Pathways
by Gweargroal
Summary: Post-War - What happens when pages of our life turn? Understanding what it is to be a shinobi is an hard-seeking truth, which everyone can not do. - Sequel to Broken Souls - Kakairu
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Happy New Year 2015! Hope you'll all have a better year than what was 2014. This story is a way to say good bye to all the crappy things that happened to me, and that I'm ready to look at a new beginning.**

**I'm sorry it took so long before it was finally put up here. It was hard. Both writing the story and living through the year. I'm glad to tell you that things are better.**

**Again, just as before, sorry for the grammar errors and the syntax that sometimes won't be right. English is not my first language. Please, feel free to let me know!**

**I started writing it without knowing the ending of the manga. Therefore, it's clearly not the same, since overwriting everything would have taken so much time, and it would have change the outcome of the plot.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not my property, but solely goes to Masashi Kishimoto.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

His mother used to say that he was born from the sea, taking its patience and strength with him. As a young boy, he had not understood what she meant, but the words had made sense over the years as he fulfilled his shinobi life. He knew that he was kind of patient, but had always wondered for the strength. He had not been able to be one of the strongest of his class, yet his strategic mind had always been at its finest.

Though, the years brought him another point of view: as a shinobi, he could bring other people to their death. It was one of his strength, just like the sea could do so. Even if he did not always wanted to bring death, yet he could. It was part of being a shinobi, and he tried to not think too much about it. Because he hated it. It was part of what he was still working on, even after all those years.

And through this mission, he hoped he would be strong enough to not bring anyone to his death. It had been many days now that they were making their way to the Land of Iron. It should have had taken less time than this, but to find someone who had a boat to transport them there had been harder than what they thought at first.

Izumo moved by his side, changing his position again in a way that seemed even more uncomfortable. The boat was not big, used mostly by an old man who used to fish.

"What's the matter with him?" asked Raidou, putting away his over-than-ready kunais. Iruka had found out that this man liked to be prepared for any eventuality. Well, every sensed shinobi would be, but Namiashi Raidou sure was on an other level. He was protecting the Hokage, after all.

"He's seasick. He's always like that when we have to cross any land of water."

"I see. Is he capable of fighting in that state?"

"Just do as if I wasn't there, please," came an annoyed voice. "I just have nausea, I don't have chakra depletion." Iruka tried not to laugh, while Raidou shook his head. "Once I'm off that boat, I'll be happy again."

"I was just trying to spare you some talk, 'Zumo." The scarred jounin took out a map from his pack. "Anyway, we're only gonna reach the rendez-vous point in some hours."

Iruka studied the map briefly, tracing all the distance they had made, departing from Fire country to end up in Water country, renting a boat to a mostly blind and deaf man referred by their Intel team. "The sea never lies to the soul, young men," was the only cryptic explanation they were told when they met him. And that was suppose to reassure them.

"While the meeting take place, I want you guys to be alert. 'Zumo," started Raidou again, waiting for a small 'yes' to be heard, "you've got the photographic memory. Remember what I ask you?"

"Yes, Raidou. I was not put at the head of the mission desk for nothing," Izumo replied in a lazy voice. If he was challenging Kakashi for the laziest looking man on earth, he was clearly winning if you would ask Iruka. He was surprised by the familiarity his friend showed with Namiashi; having higher clearance in Konoha administration did have its perks.

"Iruka, you remember what we talked about?" went on Raidou, studying intently the ponytail haired chuunin.

Iruka's hands became sweaty, remembering exactly what he was referring to. He didn't like the tone his captain had, but he could not take it out on him; Raidou needed to be sure he had everything secured, and Iruka could be a loose end.

"Iruka," repeated Raidou again, more gently.

Iruka took some seconds before looking in the dark brown, almost black eyes, feeling Izumo pressing his back against his leg in some form of moral support, he supposed. "Yes, Raidou, the job will be done. I've got everything under control," he answered, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Good. So from what we know, there's only a few people working with him. Some samurais and his medical corps. I doubt there will be anything happening during the meeting. But once we'll be out there, it's for sure that we'll hear about it.

"If it is disrupt by anything, be it a missing nin, a natural disaster, or whatever you want, protect Mifune at all cost, and we'll meet at the western outpost and follow the protocol. I trust you, guys."

And he was trusting them, Iruka knew it. Yet, he could not shake off the strange vibes he was getting from him. Somehow, he felt that it was because of Kakashi that his mission captain did trust him really.

They knew each other from the silver haired jounin, but had never talked, only maybe greeted each other awkwardly while Kakashi was leaving to join him. It was to say that he had a hard time to link with his lover's friends, starting back then with Asuma that had never truly took time to know him, even with Kurenai trying to help. Genma was nice, but other than that, they had not much common friends.

The two of them simply sat in a thoughtful silence, Raidou studying his map, Iruka looking at the water. Izumo tried to change his position again, slumped between their packs not to far from the humming old man.

"There, young lads. The sea has brought you to port!" chimed the fisherman, his gravely voice rumbling through the air.

In front of them was a small looking beach, just at the border of a little wood. There was no snow yet, but Iruka knew that it would not be too long with this temperature.

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><p>Kakashi had always like kissing. He was not sure if it was because his lips were mostly covered all the time by the black fabric of his mask, or if it was because of the way Iruka's chiseled ones felt as he kissed him back. Neither to say, his body was responding in a matter of time, sending his head spinning with desire and his blood rushing down to a lowest part of his body.<p>

"Come on, Kakashi, let me work!" the younger man chuckled as he felt the kisses and nibbling on his neck.

"Come on, Iruka," answered Kakashi with a husky voice, "take a break. I promise it'll be worth your time..."

Pale hands were roaming under his shirt seductively, his skin crawling in pleasure. And if it had only been his skin it would have been easier to keep a cleared head. "Oh, I know that." His hand scoop up his lover's chin for him to turn and kiss him deeply, tongues playing together for some seconds. "I know that, 'Kashi," he whispered tenderly.

The jounin pouted. He knew this tone: his Sensei would not change his decision. "Okay, then. What are you working on?"

"Some theoretical research I'm doing about chakra wires and explosive tags. It should keep me teaching for some years." The chuunin smiled as he saw Kakashi absorbed by the papers as he started reading them.

"I recognize a genius when I see one," mumbled Kakashi, forgetting completely his first task that had taken him out of his Icha Icha reading. "It's a shame that you have to prove yourself that much to keep your job."

"Hmm." He took hold of the strong arms as they circled him. "That's the price for peace, I suppose. We don't need as much effective as we used too, and the Hokage can't do a thing about it. Even you have a hard time finding missions worth the pay."

Kakashi kissed his head. "Yeah, but I'm one special case. Who cares, anyway. I'll be retired soon enough, they don't need me anymore."

And Iruka could not tell if there was bitterness in his voice, his lips pinched in a thin smile as he wondered about it.

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><p>A loud noise jerked him awake, the kunai hidden between the mattress and the base of the bed in his left hand in a defensive stance. Looking at his wall for a long minute with sleepy eyes, Kakashi wondered what was happening. He could hear his neighbors yelling and swearing insanities, throwing things and smashing in his wall. Again. Sighing, he simply put the kunai back in its place before he turned, his right arm looking for Iruka on the right side of his bed, so his man could finish what he was just doing.<p>

But Iruka's side of the double sized bed was cold and empty. Oh, Sharingan no Kakashi realized. Iruka had, indeed, left two weeks ago for his duties, and his groggy mind of a genius had forgotten, having just come back from a way too long mission and dragged himself tiredly to his bed. He had fallen asleep with his shinobi outfit, dirty and smelling.

Sitting, he scratched his head grumpily, feeling his need down in his pants. With a grunt, he made his way toward his bathroom, fiddling with his black boxers once he was able to unbuttoned his pants. He rested his head against the cabinet fixed on the wall at his head level, trying to remember the dream he just had, his now cold hands discouraging him.

Iruka taking the lead – pleasuring him in ways that Yamato had not been this good at. His mind was great at remembering him what he missed dearly, the fun he and his chuunin had by simply being together, sharing and understanding one another, by being honest.

That day, when he had asked his lover to be on top, he had been sure he would have been greeted with a 'no'. He had seen the uncertainty in his deep brown eyes for a moment. It had been there, even if he knew Iruka clearly wanted it. Maybe it was from remembering _her_, maybe it was simply because he had never done it that way. Yet, he knew for sure that his lover liked it. So much for him to be away that long.

He would clearly be happy to remember his noisy neighbors that they were not alone.

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><p>"My husband has been waiting for you. Please enter," curtly said the tall lady, her blue eyes cold as steel as she straightened her back after opening a small wooden door. Iruka knew that she was strong, her stance right and solid, ready at any moment to draw her katana and fight back with all she had. She was not a woman to mess with.<p>

After some hours of running at a good pace through the tundra, they had finally reached an underground entrance hidden by a bundle of rocks, before meandering through empty, cold and dry tunnels lead by Mifune's wife. They had not meet anyone other than her and the samurai protecting her.

She had been arrogant since they first met. Or was it simply some resentment, Iruka could not tell. After all, the decision Mifune had taken back then had given birth to a drastic situation and put their lands into chaos.

"Thank you, Naomi-sama," simply answered Raidou with respect, bowing his head, before leading his three man-cell in the room, the lady closing the door behind them.

It took time to adjust to the badly lit room, and slowly Iruka was able to discern a figure seated behind a small table. "Please sit, we don't have much time," said a raspy voice, before a deep cough silenced him. As Iruka sat in front of the old man, he could see how the sickness had ravaged the once strong body, now defined by gaunt cheeks and sallow skin. "You were not followed or seen? Good. I'm surprised that the Uchiha that serves you as the Hokage accepted to help us..."

"Konoha is deeply redeemable for the help you're troops gave us in the Fourth War, Mifune-sama," simply answered Raidou. He waited patiently, lips pinched, as another fit of cough took the old samuraï.

"I see," breathed out Mifune. He eyed his wife for a second before putting some torn papers on the table, while the sound of the door being opened and closed was heard. "And yet you are not in the grasp of a civil war today. Honor is still holding you together, and, I suppose, a sense of unity in your country."

The three men looked at the door opening again as another row of deep cough troubled the man, studying Naomi kneeling at the side of her husband, handing out a steaming wooden mug and helping him to drink. "Thank you, my love," Mifune whispered tiredly, taking a few whistling breath.

None of the shinobi could hear what she whispered back, but they could easily see all the love she held in her eyes and in the small, sad smile she made for him. Yet, as she sat back near him yet at a respectful distance, her eyes became hard again, her small lips becoming a curt line and her piercing eyes observing the three shinobis with - Iruka clearly seeing it now - mistrust.

"I am sorry for the inconvenience my sickness is bringing you. Here," Mifune handed a scroll to Raidou, which gave it to Izumo. "This is a letter I need you to bring to the Hokage and the instructions for your infiltration mission. I suggest that you burn the scrolls if you are to be captured; they'll simply think that you are some missing nin that were sent in a meager attempt to overthrown them.

"My son's troops were able to find out one of our enemies' biggest hideout, but is in no posture to get there. Somehow what you will find will help us to fight back what little government they could install through the chaos. You need to know that they are planning something against your kind, shinobis; the opposition is angry that we took action in your war."

"Can we trust the men you are working with, Mifune-sama?" asked Iruka, bowing his head.

"Other than my son and my wife, there's only a few of my trusted men still alive. I can spare no one to back you up. Either you make it, or we are all doomed."

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><p>The night was mostly silent, grasshoppers chirping being the only noise that could be heard. The moon shone with its silver light, giving the clearing an eerie look. So far, chakra sensing and his ninken detected nothing.<p>

"Sure it's the right place?" he asked Genma through shinobi hand signs.

Genma's lips became a thin line. "Yes, same place as last time," answered the tokubetsu's hands. "Shouldn't be too long."

Kakashi said nothing and went back to his observations. He had been chosen to replace Raidou on this scroll retrieval. For sure, he did not thought it would be that kind of retrieval mission, hidden in the trees, waiting for grass ninjas to show themselves. Usually, he would simply kill the enemy and pick up what had been stolen.

An owl made itself heard three times. "There," Genma signed, before pointing at the bird of prey flying over the clearing.

"A summon," Kakashi signed back. His friend nodded.

"Yes. Follow me, they aren't too far."

They jumped from branches to branches, before finding a small steam and following its course north. It was not too long before they found the two of them. From their stance, he understood rapidly that they were skilled adversaries, but the teamwork was not attuned. Even if blondie seemed open to negotiation and clearly the leader in this mission, he was not at ease with his partner, a semblance of an old grizzly showing his teeth. He was too tense, his posture stiff and rigid.

"Nice to meet you again, Toot'pick, " greeted with a thick accent the blond one, a smug smile lighting the grim look in his eyes. Or maybe he was a bigger player than what he could discern, thought Kakashi.

"Same here, Grasshoppers," replied Genma on the same playful tone.

Kakashi narrowed his eye as he saw the second grass nin hidden behind a straw hat bristle, one of his hands automatically drawing a kunai.

"Takeshi!" warned between his teeth Blondie, studying Kakahsi intently. He knew who he was, and he was not going to risk it even more. "I'll cut down to business, Toot'pick. I got what Konoha wanted. Got what we're looking for?"

Kakashi was not sure if there was boredom in the blond's words, but the way Genma answered showed that it had been more than a few times they were meeting. "Sure. Kakashi?" The copy nin threw their respective backpacks a feet away of the two grass nin, just as Blondie threw a thick scroll at him. "You have medic stuff you need for at least a month."

"Soldier pills?"

"Twelve bottles."

"Good. You've got all t'e intel' we could get and t'e team you sent is in."

If Kakashi frowned even more, he hoped it did not show through the dark. He said nothing as Genma simply agreed and they retreated without a glance. And for some hours, they stayed silent, simply making their way back through the night, making sure no one was following them.

Genma finally broke the silence, "What is it? You're rarely that silent nowadays on a mission. Want to know something?"

Kakashi rolled his eyes, and kept silent for two more jump. "How much are they helping in the Land of Iron case?" he finally said.

A sigh. "I don't know everything, and what I know is still classified, but it's been a while they're observing the place. You know how Grass country is, always on the watch. They may be poor, but they know how and who to sell their info to." He landed on a sturdy branch, his fingers playing with his senbon, tapping it lightly against his lips repeatedly.

Kakashi leaned against the tree, his arms crossed over his chest. "You've work with that nin before?"

"The blond one? Yeah, but the partner's new. Anyway, I've met him a few years back in an infiltration mission. He helped me stay alive."

Gray eyebrows rose. "Really? I'm surprised."

"Yeah, as I was. But he's good. He's the one who brought the last intel about the civil war and where Mifune's stationed with his wife."

"Hm." He looked at nothing for a minute, thinking of the last teams that had been sent for long length mission. Only a few.

Genma scratched his head, "Want to know something else?"

"No need. We should keep going; we need to report our mission as soon as we can. Naruto and Rokudaime are surely still awake," he stated, starting his way back.

The brown haired jounin shook is head slightly before following his friend. "Don't know for the brat, but sure, Rokudaime-_sama_ will be awake," he simply added. Silence greeted him. He shook his head and jumped after Kakashi.

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><p>The clothes he had been given were a little too big for him and ranked of sweat. Clearly, the last one who wore them had not taken a shower for a while, and the fact that he could not differentiate if their gray and brown color was their natural one told him their level of cleanliness.<p>

Putting his Konoha outfit in the same bag as his teammates, it had been a while he had not done those kind of missions. He was nervous, but at the same time his body was more than asking for this. It had been too long since he had done something truly useful.

"The others surely have arrived at their destination. We are a crucial part in this mission, and if we can make it right, things will go as planned." Raidou kept silent for a moment, breathing heavily through his nose as he closed his eyes, his hands balling and tensing. "Remember that if we are captured, there is not a lot of chance that we are getting back." Iruka and Izumo exchanged a glance before looking back at their captain, nodding. "Let's just do our best to make it back home. We all have a family that awaits our return," he whispered, pulling his hood to hide his features.

Iruka said nothing, controlling his shaking hands. Each shinobi had their way to deal with their mission. Each shinobi had their way to try to control that dreading sense of adrenaline that was getting in your system once you were about to get into action. Your body just knew that it would start soon.

Dark brown eyes opened again to observe an unrolled map set in front of them on an old broken table that could barely stand. "Izumo, what does it look like?"

"The Intel might have found out the emplacement of their collective data. It should be in that building," the chuunin explained with apprehension, his eyes shining with intelligence. "I suggest that we take some days to round out the place, finding out the surveillance and the shifts. I'll be able to step in and find the necessary documents."

"Alright. Once we got everything, you step in." It was a sentiment of pride that settled in Raidou's stomach as Iruka stared back at him with determination, nodding with confidence. He guessed that it was how this reserved guy took those kinds of mission.

"Yes. Once you're out, Izumo, I'll blow the rest of their data. I'll be rigging the place with a system of explosive tags, I'll keep them busy. "

"And I'll be backing you up, whatever happens." They nodded at each other. "Good, let's go. Follow me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Hello everyone! I am sorry that this chapter took so long before being posted. The schedule will resume to normal, meaning one chapter per week.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

The place had not changed much since Sasuke had taken the Hokage chair after the war. The office design was formal with its book and scroll shelf, no decorations had been put up on the walls, only one plant remained in a corner. Somehow, it did feel like Sasuke to keep things strictly professional around him. But she was pleased, all in all, for him to be here with them. It had not been easy, but they had been able to pull it off with the council and the shinobis. Not that things were all round up, in fact they kept being very tiring, but she felt it was right.

"What are you smiling for?" he asked, his face blank of emotion, as usual.

She put a strand of hair behind her ears, shaking her head lightly. "Nothing important, Sasuke." She had not notice the smile forming while thinking about all they had work through. "What did you need me for today? I don't have much time; I have an important surgery this afternoon, and I need to make sure my team's prepared and that I've got everything."

He dismissed her polite bow, acting so formal around him made him uneasy. Not that it showed, anyway. "Look at this, Sakura," he slipped the file at the end of his desk for her to take. "It's the file of our former sensei, Umino Iruka."

Her brows furrowed as she turned pages of the already known document, "Yes, I've read it through already. What is it for?"

"I can't take any decision without the approval of Naruto or yours without gaining more suspicious questions and glares from everyone."

"Yeah. Where are you going with this?" The way he stared her dead in the eyes made her frown even more. Was he convincing himself for the decision he wanted to make? She could not tell.

"Our political situation is pretty stable since some years now, but the Land of Iron is facing its own war. They are requesting our help, and I was thinking of sending two teams in."

"But we have no right to do so without breaking the already frail treaty we have with Iwagakure and Kumokagure. Especially since they let you live, do you remember?"

Sasuke sighed, before clasping his hands together. "I know. That's why we send two unnoticeable team. Check this scroll Grass country Intel got. Naruto and I have seen it this morning, and he thinks it's for the best if we act, and I suggest to be unknown."

He was surprised when she slammed the scroll on the desk. "And when were you both going to tell me? Because it seems as if you have made up your mind already!"

"Calm down. No one did anything, yet. And I want you to help me."

She was surprised, but hid it behind crossed arms and a small scoff. "Really? And how?"

"By accepting to send the two teams I'll show you right away." He took a thicker file and slid it to her. "Please, take your time to evaluate the situation, Sakura. There's a lot going on. We have a possibility to help them regain balance in their country. Moreover, you've seen how they are sure something's going on over there, since such a conservative government took the power. It's bad, even if the Tsuchikage and Raikage think it's better if we do not interfere."

She let herself drop on a chair, sighing. She should have never accepted this position as a leader for Konoha. "I think Naruto has gotten into your head. Do you even hear yourself? You are ready to put the village in a dire position because some Intel might have found something? You knew that I would be against this."

"Because Umino Iruka is in this. You know that from his file he was trained for this."

"No, not only that. You're looking for shinobis that won't talk if they are captured and for them to be unnoticeable out there? Let me guess that you want them to have good chakra control to spend it wisely? Send other soldiers. Send ones that have at least a better medic training."

Sasuke scratched his forehead tiredly. He knew that it would have been complicated, but not that much. "Konoha already have less forces than what it used to. It's better if we can avoid spending essential jounin."

"I can't sign this." She took her head in her hand, "It's a suicide mission. How do you want them to come back? Namiashi just got a week leave from his last mission, and Kamisuki and Iruka-sensei has been out of the field for some time now. Have you talked about this with someone else?"

"Tsunade."

Percing blue eyes looked him up. Was he tricking her? "And? What did she say?"

"She said the teams are good; she even helped me chose them. Shikamaru, Ino and Choji will be working directly with Mifune's son and his forces; Namiashi, Kamizuki and Iruka will be infiltrating the enemy's lines on their side."

He said nothing more, and simply look at her. He understood it was not an easy decision to make, but sometimes, you had to make sacrifices in life. That was for sure.

She closed her eyes briefly, her lips pinched, before taking the pen and signing, finally handing over the mission file after some hesitation.

"Don't worry. Tsunade said they were going to be alright."

She couldn't help but scoff. "When she says that, it means that there's not much chance for anything to go that well."

Because you could convince yourself that things would go well, but you never knew.

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><p>"Everything is in place," Iruka said as he landed near a crouched Raidou. The jounin simply held two fingers in the air, without giving him a glance. He could not keep himself from thinking that his captain seemed to have grown older, so focused and haggard at the same time. This man poured all of his soul into his work, ready to die without hesitation for his village. Something that Iruka lacked of, Raidou had been sure to make him understand.<p>

The captain turned some buttons on the small radio system they had settled for this mission, before taping his earpiece twice. "Izumo's in place. I'll be backing him up while he collects the info. Two taps means he's getting out, and if something's wrong, I'll tap three times. Good?"

Iruka nodded, taking Raidou's place in front of the radio as the jounin left. Making the chakra hand seals to activate the sensor he had planted around their small hideout, Iruka tried to determine the hour, shortly studying the pale crescent illuminating the night. They had decided to take action sometime through the night.

Hidden in the woods, not too far from the place, it had been two days now that they were observing the enemies, taking notes and info of their surveillance. He was not surprised to see how they had organized through the dire circumstances. Because he had to face it, the Land of Iron was not faring well.

Through his inspection of the small place, there were few families, probably samurais who's village had been destroyed and had taken all of them with their garrison. Soldiers, mothers, fathers and children looked tired, unfed and grim. Kids were running all around the place – Iruka knew they were barely taken care of, the same disgruntled look on their face, having been exposed to hard time, famine, death, or worse.

Sitting uncomfortably in front of the device, he scratched his head, holding a sigh. This part of those missions were always the hardest: you waited for your partners to come back, and you hoped they would be back in one piece. If they could.

And this is where he found out he was not alone.

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><p>Izumo bit his lips absentmindedly as he was foraging through the quantities of books, scrolls and papers held in the place, taking every parcel of info he could, scribbling everything in a code he knew very few shinobis of Konoha Intel team would know. He had been able to enter the place without much problem, disabling the first guard, making a clone to take his place. He had half an hour to get out before the next guard took his shift. It was a small place, weakly guarded.<p>

He heard two tap in his earpiece. He knew Raidou was standing near, he did not have time to pinpoint where, there was no need for it. "Almost done," he whispered to himself. "I just need to find their jackpot." Two more shelf to look at, his mind reeling and his heart beating at a fast pace. "Give me some time."

He knew he was going to find it. The document holding what they needed. There it was. And just as he pulled the blue covered book out of the shelf, the window shattered. "Don't -!" was the only thing Raidou had time to yell before hell broke loose.

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><p>Kakashi ate in silence his dry meat, listening to the calm of the night. It was a chilly weather for the hot season, and a fire would not have been too much. But resting in enemy territory did not give many possibilities. And it was not as if he had not seen or experienced worse.<p>

"So, ready for your retirement party? It's in two weeks now." Kakashi looked up at Genma, one eyebrow rose. "Don't look at me like that. It was just a question!" The fact that Kakashi had both eyes since the war still made him uncomfortable; the tokubetsu jounin had not thought that a two-eyed Kakashi would be even harder to read.

"And you, are you ready to take your retirement?"

He scratched his head, looking at his food. "Huh. This job, it's been our life."

"Exactly." He kept silent for a while, looking at the stars, before putting his food away. "I heard it's been moving over there."

"I can't say a thing."

"I know." Kakashi did not want to ask questions. He had told himself he would simply wait for him to be back. Easier said than done. "At least, have you heard of Iruka from Blondie?"

Genma closed his eyes briefly, before sighing. "No, Kakashi. He's not in the main team over there."

Kakashi scoffed darkly. "Yeah, heard of that." He had been talked to by Rokudaime for asking questions, for saying that he thought it was a bad choice to send Iruka over there. Infiltration mission were the kind to be nasty. Oh, so nasty.

* * *

><p>"Shit!" He had escaped the swing of the blade from an inch and Iruka threw a kunai instinctively has he saw the opening, gritting his teeth as the boy was not fast enough to avoid it before it hit his head, puncturing his left eye.<p>

But he had no time to get over it, or even to think about it. His radio was broken and he had no way of knowing how it was going on the side of his teammates. Scanning the area, he could feel multiple enemies near him. And as he heard dogs bark, he knew that they knew.

And they _knew_. An explosion was heard, it wasn't his system of explosive tags that he had worked on. Taking his backpack, he ran as fast as he could, concealing himself as much as possible in the direction they were to meet if things went awry. Because he had to face it, things were shitty.

Taking the shortcut to the small water stream, he made two clones to go separate ways on land while he made his way through the water, his body unable to take proper breath as he was fighting the cold element. He found a natural carving in the rock where he hid himself, crouching as much as he could, hissing, gritting his teeth.

He had to hold it, radiating a small dose of chakra to keep his body enough heat so he would be able to survive. He did not count how much time passed, but dawn settled before he felt one of the clones die off. Dogs could not be heard anymore, neither their presence felt.

Hardly getting up, his legs mostly numb, shaking from the cold water and the chilly wind, it was with dread that he finally reached the small cave they had found near the water stream. Taking hold of an explosive kunai with numb fingers and staying at a good distance, he made the noise of a common bird of those lands. He sighed as he heard back the answer.

"Anyone followed you?" Raidou whispered as he saw him at the entrance.

"No." He ran up to the kneeling man when the sent of burned flesh met his nose. Izumo's head leaned against Raidou's tights while the man was applying pressure with some wet clothes on one shoulder. "Fuck." Izumo's body was badly injured, part of his face had been touched, and he was sure that his left arm would not recover properly from this. Where the clothes had not simply melt with the skin, only darkened flesh was left.

Raidou gave some place to Iruka as he saw the man starting to heal some of the burns with chakra healing. He doubted that the skill would be enough, but it was better than anything. "They rigged... their own place," he explained tiredly as he gave his teammate a change of dirty but dry clothes, before taking place against the rocky wall. "Wasn't able to warn him in time."

"I was attacked just after you left. The radio broke."

Raidou kept silent as he started to take care of his own injuries, seeing that Iruka seemed unscathed. "How did they went through your chakra sensors?"

Was it some judgment he could hear in his voice? "It was a kid, damn it. It was so faint, he didn't knew chakra manipulation at all."

"The chakra sensors you developed aren't suppose to pick up any chakra in the zone?"

Iruka sighed. "I- I don't know, okay? It was only a prototype, some theoretical stuff I had been working on. It was suppose to pick up any chakra that is being used, as much as kept hidden. Someone with no knowledge of chakra manipulation barely use it, but it should have at least detected it."

Raidou scoffed, but said nothing more. Those teachers, they were way too much in their books, not enough in the fields. But it was not necessary to say anything more; Iruka was already beating himself over and over for this mistake, his shaking hands trying to give some relief to the blackened skin that covered Izumo's left arm and shoulder. "I'm sorry, 'Zumo," Raidou heard the chunnin whisper to his unconscious friend.

Oh, who was he kidding! It was his fault too. He should have felt the kid. He was better than this. Hissing as he bandaged the cut on his side, he ruffled his hair. "We move out as soon as we can."

"But Izumo is in no condition to-"

"We can't keep hiding here. They are looking for us, and it's only by sheer luck that they haven't look at this side of the river yet. " Iruka challenged the dark brown eyes that were daring him to speak up. He felt his second clone dying, the pictures coming in his head in a flash. They were coming, he knew. He said nothing, his jaw clenching shut. "You're strong enough to take him on your back?"

"Yeah."

"We leave in an hour, so change yourself before you die of hypothermia. You look like shit," he grumbled as he hid the coded scroll in one of his pocket.

* * *

><p>Iruka's due date had passed, and he tried to keep himself busy, taking some missions there and there, most of the time keeping track of the teams coming back at the mission desk. Nothing yet. Kakashi tried to concentrate on the lunch he was cooking.<p>

"Hey, can I come in?" asked a tired voice.

He rolled his eyes. "Maa, you're already in." He turned around to put his eggs and rice meal in a plate, looking at Kotetsu nonchalantly sitting at his table, his head propped up on his hand.

"I see you've made for two! So nice of you, Kakashi!"

The silver haired man rolled his eyes. "I thought I had to be prepared, since you often come here." Anyone would have heard the sarcastic statement held in this sentence, but Kotetsu barely took note of it.

He did not even had time to properly set the second dish in front of his uninvited guest that the chuunin was already taking mouthful of it. "Well... I have time on my hand... and you too. So... it's not as if... we had better things to do." Seeing Kotetsu eat so fast made him wonder if he would choke on his food, and maybe die of asphyxia at the same time. "Damn, your food is good!"

As he sat at the other end of his small table, he was not sure if he was hungry anymore. "What do you want? It's not like you to keep coming here since three weeks now." Time to cut down the chase, he decided. Kakashi understood what Kotetsu was trying to do, but he was not someone to be dealing with about this.

Kotetsu stopped eating and put down his wooden stick momentarily, looking at nothing. "It's been two weeks now."

He said nothing back, rolling his eyes. He did not need to be remembered. "Hmm." Kakashi simply took some bites of his meal, keeping his face hidden as much as he could, ignoring the stare he was given. Oops, wrong answer?

"You don't wonder much where they went, do you?" Something in the tone used triggered some alarms in Kakashi's head.

He narrowed his eyes, staring back at Kotetsu. "Should I?" He was not helping the situation.

"The civil war is raging over there. And they are barely doing a thing to make sure they are alright. The other team is back, but not theirs."

That chuunin knew a lot of things, Kakashi understood that. "There's nothing we can do. It's not as if it was our decision anyway," he replied.

"Help me put pressure on them to send another rescue team!"

Kakashi crossed his arms on his chest, defiantly looking at Kotetsu. "And for what? To send more shinobis to their death?"

Kotetsu stood up from his chair, "Do you even care?" But it was not a question. "I thought that the great Sharingan no Kakashi would have given a little more fucks to their situation!"

That was enough. "Get out of my place," he said in a low, but strong voice.

They stared dangerously at each other as the clock ticked by. "Fine," finally whispered Kotetsu. "I guess I misjudge you."

Once the door slammed shut, Kakashi closed his eyes, taking his head in his hand. Both of them were tired, tired of waiting, hoping for them to be back. Kakashi knew it was bad, he was not blind. But he was hoping that not talking about them would somehow make them come home. The rescue team was not back, and Kakashi knew that he was not in any rights to be part of it; it was his lover that was gone and it could put the rescue team in jeopardy.

He was simply waiting. But waiting was taking its toll on him. To pass the time when he was not on missions he would go to the cemetery, has he used to do. And Kakashi would stood beside the memorial stone, hands in their pockets, wondering if he should say a thing.

He was used now at the comfortable silence of the graves. Those years shared with Iruka had surely brought some kind of peace to his own soul, actually.

"Yeah, huh, it's been a while, I must say." His gray eyes stared lazily at the names written on the stone. "Your son has left some time ago. Don't know if he came to tell you, but I thought that I should let you know about it." He scratched his head, sighing. He did not feel at ease without Iruka; they were his parents, after all.

"He's gone to help with the civil war. Hasn't come back either." He hoped he would not see him for his grave.

* * *

><p>They were moving through the night at a fast pace, hiding as much as they could. Izumo had not regain consciousness yet, and Iruka was getting more and more tired. They were still very far from their extraction point. One good aspect was that they had the intel they were looking for, but at a high price.<p>

"You're slowing down," whispered Raidou.

"Sorry," he replied, not hiding his frustration. Raidou said nothing back but glared at him. He was out to hear it, that was for sure.

Yet, they were both stressed out, and Iruka knew that Raidou was pushing him over his limits to make sure they could reach some place where they would be safer. But the chuunin that he was had a hard time following, put on the weight of his friend on his back that he was responsible for his injured state. They finally halted in a part where they had a good camouflage from the density of the woods, where the moonlight had a hard time shining through.

The team leader sighed, taking back his breath, holding his side. "Shit." He hissed out a long breath, his hands shaking, holding his injured side. From what Iruka could see, Raidou was still bleeding. "Look. I know I'm pushing you. There's people following us since five minutes now. I don't expect you to have sense them yet, don't worry, you have Izumo to carry and you're trying to follow me. We won't make it out alive if we keep going together." Iruka's eyes widened. "I want you to take 'Zumo with you, and you go back to Konoha. I'll be able to hold them back enough for you to make it out."

"No. Give me my backpack, I'll set traps to hold them back while you make your way out with Izumo and the info. You're in no shape to fight them off anyway!"

"We don't have time for this!"

"I've been chosen for this mission because of my formation in T&I. I know it. Rokudaime knows it. Whatever reason he gave to Naruto and Sakura to ease them, it's part of why I'm here. And you know it, remember what you told me?" He saw Raidou pinch his lips.

"Kakashi's going to kill me if I survive this."

Iruka could not keep from smiling. "Damn, just go. I know my job for Konoha. I am ready to give my life if it means that I can save your ass and the one of my friends."

Raidou did not have many options to take and not a lot of time to make up his mind. He simply took a hold of Iruka's hair, making their forehead touch. "Your a fine shinobi, Umino Iruka. It was an honor working with you."

Then Raidou gave Iruka his backpack and took Izumo on his back as the injured cried out of pain. He was coming back to the living. Looking one last time in direction of one brave chuunin – no, jounin, Raidou could tell – he run as fast as he could.

Iruka took his explosive kit, made clones of himself, and counted three people not too far behind. It was time to stop them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:** There you go! A week has passed, and I couldn't wait to give it to you! Have fun reading the third chapter!

I want to thank you Dog for the review! I had not seen it. It took me a year writing this story - well, it's not done, I still have two or three chapters to go - but I was not going to let you starve on the end I made for Broken Souls! ;)

Anyhoo, let's get to this!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

She had wondered. Wondered days and months what to do with it. If she wanted to keep it. The product of the hate they had against her kind. And staying in Konoha, as she had nowhere else to go, the only people that wanted to take care of her and help her face the purge Mist was doing against shinobis and their families showing sign of blood limit, she did not know what was better.

But as she was going to do something against it, ready to do what she should have done in months – finally killing it – she felt for the first time a little foot kicking her. And then she knew that it was not what she had to do. It was a sign, she felt it. She felt _him._ Because it was a little boy, a little boy that seemed to tell her that he was not the product of the hate against her family, a dreaded presence that should be eliminated, but something that maybe was better than she thought of.

Given the time, she found out that killing the little boy would be like acting the same as the men that had killed so many of them. On the contrary, she worked hard to teach her little boy that ninjas were to act out of love to protect the one they loved. And she hoped, as she died on the pavement against the Kyuubi, that she had done everything she could to show him how to be a good shinobi.

* * *

><p>He had been able to escape their sight and hide. Though he had not been able to make all three of them pursue him, only had tangled one in his chakra wire for such little time that he had not been able to kill him, yet he had their attention. He hoped Raidou would be alright to kill the samurai following him.<p>

Somehow, he had not been found yet, crouched in front of one of his enemy – the second one was still not too far – hidden under a big bush and giving out a mixed pulse of chakra from every direction with the help of his clones. He waited, watching the samurai calculating where he truly was. He just needed him to turn around for a second, just a little moment was all he needed. If only –

There! Three Iruka jumped from their spot at the same momentum, chakra wire in hands toward him. But the black haired man was fast and ducked, yet was not wise enough to know Iruka had made a web of chakra wire around this place, slowing him down. Acting fast, the three of them simply wired him even more, pulling strategically on some of the ropes, choking him.

Umino ignored the fact that the young man was still able to let out strangled cries, sounding like a dying animal. He had to, or he was the one going to become the dying animal. "Never take pity on your enemy, unless you felt they are not dangerous," he had learn the hard way with his sensei.

He felt the second samurai already behind him. Damn, he was fast! Trying to hide his surprise – which surely did not work as he felt the sword wielder gain assurance – he focused on dodging the katana. He had to get enough distance from him, and yet keep him there. Working with his clone, one throwing kunai, the other attacking directly – he had no other choice, they were going to be killed fast.

Gritting his teeth, he made the hand seals and closed his eyes. The blast was powerful, letting out a bark of pain as he felt his body fall wrongly on the ground, a cracking sound coming from his right leg. But he had no time to waste, and it was with a dizzy vision, a hammering headache and deaf ears that he tried to limp farther away from the bloody trap he had set up.

Maybe that guy had a wife or kids waiting at home, were thoughts that were at the edge of his mind. He was stronger than this, he was. He had to stop thinking. After, damn it! After, he told himself. Act logically! He could barely feel three presences coming their way to were he was, and trying to stand up on his right leg made the pain unbearable, sending the world spin dangerously, before his eyes shut from their own accord.

* * *

><p>If Raidou had known taking another decision would maybe have made everything better, he would have chosen otherwise. But he knew that, anyway, someone would have had to die for this. He had known from the beginning. Yet, maybe he could have spared one more. Because he knew Izumo would not survive this, and he somehow wondered how Iruka would make it.<p>

A grim chuckle was let out as he evaluated how he was going to get back to Konoha like this. "Fuck." Struggling with his hands to bandage up the cuts on his arms, he knew that the vial of antidote he had taken would slow down the poison in his system, but certainly not take it out. This, and he had lost his friend.

As much as he had wanted, he had not been able to hid Izumo before the samurai caught up on him, his friend partially hidden under dirt and rotten leaves. The fight had been short, the samurai he had faced clearly wanted to cut things short when an explosion had detonated. He had pursue him a few meters, until he felt the first sign of poison, losing his balance, the world spinning on itself.

First things first, the coded scroll. To stop his mind from yelling to save Izumo and Iruka had been hard, but he was a shinobi of the leaf, and he had to face priorities. From the way the fight has gone, those guys were not soldiers from the place where they had stole the Intel, therefore he had a better chance to bring back what they almost died for.

If he could only reach the extraction point, it would be good. From the way the poison was affecting his body, he hoped he had at least a week.

* * *

><p>He had done everything he could. He knew that. And he terribly felt it as he was thrown harshly to the ground, waking him up with white spots in his eyes, grunting. He simply closed them back to diminish the nausea he felt coming. Still, he had killed one of them. He had not thought that samurai could be so resourceful.<p>

"You, piece of shit!" His eyes shot up in pain as he was kicked in the stomach, air leaving his lungs and not able to bring any back in.

"Hey, back off, Katashi," someone said. He hissed as he was pulled by his hair, feeling studied. From the way he was tied up and the way his head was hold up he could only see samurai armors moving and arguing.

"He killed my brother! He has to die!"

His head was released when he heard someone hit the man holding him, a short sword falling not too far from his nose. It was better playing dead for now. "Calm down. Your bother knew that there were risks doing this job. Kyoshi will take you back to your dormitory."

"Come on," said a calming voice to the vengeful guy.

Iruka heard more than he saw feet moving, some leaving, others coming toward him. "He's going to be a good piece of meat for the doctor, that's for sure. It's hard to find good shinobis to put fights with lately."

"It's not as if there should be any. Those lands are ours, they don't belong here. They don't belong at all, bringing wars on men, thinking that they are better than everyone."

Somehow everyone stopped talking. Surely the leader. Someone crouched in front of his tied form. It had taken off his helm, and it was dark green eyes that met his. He was smiling, not a smile of joy, but a smile of resignation. It talked of pain and torture. "You have seen things, shinobi." By his voice, it was the one that had send back the other vengeful samurai. "We're both in the same game, then. Everything will go well if you listen to me. Understood?"

Iruka did nothing to show that he had understood. He simply stared at him without emotion, counting the beating of his heart to control his headache and the pain that was shooting up his leg. Who he thought was the leader simply sigh before making a gesture with his hands. Blackness met him again as they pulled a bag on his head.

"Let's go."

* * *

><p>Kotetsu was pacing in front of the Hokage office, waiting for the doors to open, trying to keep himself from simply barging into the room to tell a piece of his mind. Things had moved, not that it showed. He knew because he had contacts, just as Kakashi – who was leaning against the wall, again, reading one of his, unsurprisingly, orange books.<p>

The rescue team was back and he just wanted to have news from his lover's team. For two hours now they were waiting for the Hokage to finally meet with them.

"Have you heard anything?" he finally asked the silver haired man.

Bored gray eyes took a look at him. "No."

Such a helpful answer, as usual. He had a hard time understanding what Iruka had found out in Sharingan no Kakashi. He was surely a good man, he was an incredible shinobi, but certainly not a good friend for him. Nevertheless, he knew Iruka to be happy.

He finally heard movements on the other side of the door, before it cracked open, revealing two ANBU nodding at them to enter.

"Finally," muttered Kotetsu, Kakashi following behind him. If the tension was already palpable between everyone reunited in the office, Kotetsu could swear it felt worse when Kakashi closed the door behind him.

"Where are they?" the silver haired jounin asked even before Kotetsu was able to greet the Hokage. His narrowed eyes and aloof stance – yet aggressive, the chuunin was not sure how the man was able to do that – made everyone stand uneasy.

Soft blue eyes finally looked up from the ground. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei, Kotetsu, but Iruka-sensei and Kamizuki Izumo could not be found by the rescue team."

He did not flinch, nor did Kakashi. They had known, already. And from the pain that could be seen and felt from Naruto and Sakura, he knew it was not going to be better. "Has Raidou been able to tell where he last saw them?" Kotetsu simply followed on, ignoring the fear that was crawling in his stomach.

"Namiashi Raidou was not able to say anything," started Sakura, slowly. "When they got him back he was barely conscious; he is now in a comatose state. I don't expect him to wake up anytime soon."

"Damn."

Kakashi stared at Sasuke. "And is there another team going back to look for them?" The placid tone that was used did not show all the venom that were in his eyes when Kotetsu shot him a glance.

"No, it's too risky," replied the Hokage on the same tone. By the staring contest each of them gave to the other, they all felt out of place. The dark haired chuunin could tell that the tension that had built up instantly as he had entered the office was because of those two. Definitely, it was not something he felt the need to know.

Kakashi finally scoffed. "You send a team of chuunin in a mission that could have been easily classified as a S-Rank; sure, they are easily forgettable." The frown Sasuke gave him back had been worth it.

"Kakashi-sensei! That's not what Sasuke meant! He cares for Iruka-sensei."

"Don't worry, Sakura, I clearly know what he means."

Naruto shot up between the two, "Please, stop, both of you. It's not by blaming each other that we will find Iruka-sensei's team. I agree with Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke. We should send a second rescue team."

"Do you understand what you're saying? If we're found out in the Land of Iron, we are clearly starting another war, and it will make things worse for everyone!"

Sakura unconsciously made a step toward Naruto, turning to Sasuke. "I agree with him, Sasuke. We should at least try again."

As Sasuke sighed, Kotetsu knew they were gaining a chance. "I want to be in the team, this time."

"I'm in too," instantly said Kakashi, followed by Naruto.

Sasuke closed his eyes, grunting. "It's against the protocol to send close relatives for this kind of mission, you all know that." He kept silent for a moment, looking at Kotetsu. "But I could let one of you two go, meaning that you fill the necessary documents, though."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. He would not let this pass. "It would be better if you sent me in; I've been doing rescue missions for years now, and my nindogs are made for this."

"What!" Kotetsu turned to Kakashi, aghast. "But I know how they work! I know how they would have escaped or find a way to survive!" he breathed out. "I've worked with them for years!"

"Exactly. I'm the most objective of us two in this case, and I've been ANBU for many years. This a S-Ranked mission gone wrong; _I_ have the experience to find them."

Kotetsu stared dead in those gray eyes. "You are not doing this to me," he whispered with such a low voice that he wondered himself if the silver haired jounin had heard him. But he had. One grey eyebrow imperceptibly rose.

That was it. Kotetsu hated this man.

Sasuke closed his eyes a mere moment, before nodding to himself. "Kakashi is right. I'm sorry Hagane, but as much as I want the team to find them, a three-man cell composed of Naruto, Kakashi and Shiranui Genma will work better."

Kotetsu fists slammed down on the desk. "You can't be serious! I have been the one asking for a rescue team. I have been asking to go look for them, and you," an accusing finger pointed Kakashi, "you have barely asked or even made a move to know how they were, or even where they were. How can you push me out of this?"

"Kotetsu," warned Naruto, his percing blue eyes narrowing slightly. "The decision has been made."

"I agree", softly said Sakura. She saw the shoulders slump slowly. She could feel the pain of the raging shinobi. But she had to: a desperate Hagane Kotetsu sent out for his long time friends could be more dangerous than anything. Even if she felt that Kakashi was not going to be easy to reign back.

The chuunin's arms fell to his side. "I see. This is how it works. It was already all decided." The tone was bitter, and his eyes talked of betrayal. He scoffed. "At least, I'm happy to know that my doubts about you were founded, Uchiha."

Sasuke held his hand to stop anyone from speaking more. It was enough, now. "Owl, escort this shinobi back to his home. Mouse, please go seek tokubetsu jounin Shiranui Genma." He nodded at the two ANBU leaving the office, Kotetsu taking his distances fast enough once the door opened.

He knew right away that this meeting would be disagreements after disagreements. Partly because of Kakashi, but also because those were two strong headed shinobis. "Hatake, I have granted you this chance to be in this rescue team because of the facts you pointed out."

"Don't worry, Sasuke, we all know that most of us aren't following you."

Sakura sighed. "Guys, cut it out."

"Yeah, we have more important matters at hands, Kakashi-sensei. Genma will be leading the team," explained Naruto. "We are to meet here at dawn before leaving."

Kakashi stiffened for a moment. The way they were presenting this, he could see his old team. Even if he had never gave credit again to Sasuke for the choices he had made, he knew he could not blame Naruto and Sakura for still believing in the Uchiha. They were team seven after all, and just as he had forgiven Obito for his choices, they had forgiven Sasuke.

He sighed. "There's no problem, Naruto."

"Be here on time, though."

"Sure." He saw Naruto grinned. "I know when to be on times," he whispered, glancing at Sasuke before making the hand seals to teleport himself.

* * *

><p>When he finally could breath right, he had a hard time discerning where he was. There were barely any source of light, an old system tirelessly buzzing into his ears weakly lighting up the place. He knew he was only standing up because he was tied to what he thought to be a surgical table, his bare feet touching the cold damp soil. He wished that they had not stripped him off his clothes, the cold metal biting his skin. It was bad. It was just like the last time. Just like the last time.<p>

No, don't get there, he could barely tell himself. Breath in, breath out, study your surrounding. They were three samurais, all armored, two of them wearing their helmet. The last one was not the leader, but a blond guy laughing at one of his partner. He recognized the voice, it was the one who had been given the task to bring back the vengeful guy, Katashi, to the dormitory. Yeah, the one opening forcefully the door, throwing at one of the armored samurai – Izumo?

"Fuck," he whispered to himself. What did it means if his friend was here. Had Raidou made it out? Calm down, calm down. Analyze.

"Hey, what's your problem?" But the sword wielder was ignored.

Iruka was the object of attention, and as the black eyes would have killed him if possible, he was surprised that Katashi did not move toward him. He still felt the kick that had been given to his stomach, and the throbbing pain from his leg helped nothing to clear his head.

He felt chills as he saw the others strapping Izumo to a second surgical table he had not seen not too far from him. A click of tongue. "That's what I thought," Katashi spat out. "Watch your friend die." Iruka gritted his teeth to contain his emotions, but he knew that his face showed his anger.

"Shut up, asshole," the blond samurai – Kyoshi, Iruka recalled – snapped at his black haired companion. "Who told you you could come here?"

"You, shut up." He turned to Iruka, "I hope for you and your friend that you won't survive this."

"Wouldn't it be better if we interrogate them first?" asked another one. "As much as I know, those can't be simple missing nins. We never had that strong missing nins in our lands."

A moment of hesitation fell on them. They judged each other for a small moment. "I know, that's what I said," Katashi muttered. "But the doctor said it's the protocol. Inoculate him first," mentioning Izumo with a shake of his head.

All of this, it was not going as he was used to. Something bigger was happening. "Stop," breathed out Iruka. But only a side glance was given to him as the syringe entered Izumo's skin. "Stop!"

"Don't worry, we'll come back for you." As they snickered, walking through the door, he was left alone. And in the buzzing silence, he took some deep breath again. He was trembling, he felt a deep pressure on his chest and the pain was unbearable. He had to find a way to get out of here, even if his leg would be a problem.

Working through the straps, he heard Izumo grunting. "Izumo! Izumo! Shit. Come on!" There, he was able to at least move one arm. "Izumo, can you hear me?"

His friend was shaking, sweating and gritting his teeth. Also naked, Iruka could see the extent of his injuries, and Katashi was right. Izumo would die if his wounds were left untreated. Untying his second arm, he worked on his legs. It was not long before he finally tried moving, limping, jumping weirdly on one leg, biting the inside of his cheeks to forget the pain. He had to reach him. He could probably do something. It was his fault afterward!

"What do you think you're doing, shinobi!" Iruka had no time to make another movement before he was thrown to the ground, a shout of pain escaping his lips.

"Let me... treat his wounds! Let me..." He was ignored, tied up and shove back on the surgical table, straps hurting his wrists.

"Why is that one roaming free in here?" The voice was gravely but strong, such as the man wielding it. Iruka felt studied as if he was cattle by the steel gray eyes hidden behind glasses. "Have he been inoculated like I asked you hours ago?"

"We're sorry, sir. It'll be done right away," Iruka heard Katashi say in a low voice, seeing him bow lowly.

Everything was going fast, lights he had not seen opened and blinded him, some woman examining his broken leg and touching it unceremoniously, people in white clothes plugging him on different machines that he knew he had seen in hospital rooms.

Katashi appeared beside him, syringe in hand. "Get away from me!" yelled Iruka. Yet, not even looking at him, the samurai simply did his job without question, injecting some yellow mixture in his bloodstream.

"From my first exam, his leg seems broken, Osamu-sensei," the lady said, scribbling on her notepad. "However, his condition is much stable than One-o-five here."

"Hm. As I said, there will be no waste, the body will still be useful to see how the new sample affected his physiology. Is everything recorded? Good. Now, we wait."

And as fast as everyone had appeared, as much as he yelled for them to come back and give him answers, the room became empty, the now beeping machine and the buzzing lights perturbing the silence, Izumo gasping and and crying.

"Hold on, Izumo. We can make it." Still, even he did not believe in his words. It was bad.

Just what were they doing to them?


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings: **This chapter and the next one are getting in darker territories. They were hard to write, I wasn't doing well either when I did write them. Note that I put this story on the M rating. It's not for nothing.

Please, think of your well being first, since I don't know to what extent people can be triggered. For some of you, it will be nothing. For others, it can be harder.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

_I can't tell how much time it's been since our capture. I don't know, there's no window. I'm thirsty and hungry, and I've been in so much pain that I am barely used to it now. I barely feel my limbs, I barely feel my body at all. My head just hurt all the time, and when it's not my head, it's my heart beating weirdly._

_Some people enter the room from time to time to check on us, give us some weird tasting water. It tastes like shit, but I'm so thirsty that I drink it anyway._

_My vision is blurry, but I can still see Izumo in front of me. He's been in and out of consciousness. I... I don't think he'll make it through. I haven't been able to capt his attention. He said my name a few moment ago, but most of the time he talks- well, mumbles about Ko'._

_"__I'm sorry." But he doesn't react. My own voice is hoarse, I barely recognize it. I'm so tired. I just think and I'm tired._

_They keep saying that we should have died faster than this. That maybe we are their chances. Their chances to change the world for the best. Huh. Glad to be a good instrument for it._

_Damn._

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><p>The rain falling on the Land of Iron was cold, each droplets hurting their already tired bodies. Not that they had been fighting any enemies, far from it, they had not even met a single soul – and it was what unnerved Kakahsi the most. Still, the weather was a mix of cold and rain, which was never good to help a search party.<p>

He was hard to reign in, he knew it. Even his ninkens were starting to doubt his own mental stability on this mission. But he had to find him.

"Kakashi, we have to go back. We've already extended this search for too long." He said nothing, simply stared at the track where Pakkun had left not too long ago. "Kakashi, you have to face it!"

"Face what, Genma?" The tone was low, but the tokubetsu jounin knew the underlying threat that the voice held.

Naruto landed near them. "No! We can't stop searching now! Pakkun almost got something!"

Genma sighed, scratching his forehead. What was so hard to understand? "No, he hasn't, Naruto. They are tired too, and Kakashi is out of chakra. It's futile to keep going like this."

"But we can't simply let Iruka-sensei down. I don't let my friends behind!"

Kakashi rising one brow at him with the support of his once student made the tokubetsu grit his teeth. "It's not a story of letting friends behind or not! We can't find him! It's been three weeks we're looking everywhere. Nothing. What do you want? Getting spotted by samurais?"

"He's right, Boss." Pakkun landed in the middle of them, his body steaming in this cold. "My nose can't find a thing in this rain; it's been raining for too many days now. I'm sorry."

There was no reproach in the pug's voice, but they all could feel how he was not able to hold on more. Kakashi closed his eyes a moment, crouching in front of his summon. He sighed, holding his head. "I'm sorry too, Pakkun. You are tired, and I keep pushing you." The silver haired ninja had not seen that even if the dog came and went from his plane of existence, he had no time to recuperate from each summoning, even if he tried hiding his shaking body behind his pride to find the chunnin. "Let's go back," he whispered, staring at his ninken, resignation his words.

Naruto pinched his lips, staring at the older shinobis in front of him. He understood perfectly. Sakura had warned him. Going back after so long was not wise, especially when it had been two months they were officially missing. Even as fast as they were moving, it still had been too long for them to reach the cold lands.

His fists closed forcefully, his eyebrows furrowed. "Right..." What was the point of saving the world if you could not save your friends? Your family?

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><p><em>It's getting worse. I feel out of breath. My lungs hurt. My strength is leaving me. I barely see a thing right now, but I can still hear Izumo ragged breath. It's been like this for a while now, maybe some hours, I don't know. <em>

_I'm afraid. This was not how I thought things would turn out. Those mad people are not linked to the small place we've infiltrated. We're only some dams, we were on their way._

_Even if I wanted to get away, I don't have the impression my hands are moving at all. I'm numb. I'm cold. I just want to sleep..._

_"__-Uka" I barely hear him when I finally open my eyes. It takes a lot of effort to stir myself from the clogging fog surrounding my head. I didn't thought I had fallen asleep. "Iruka."_

_It takes some time, but I can see him. He looks... dead. The tip of his fingers bordering a blue color, his skin pale._

"_I-Izumo..." His name barely pass my cracked lips. It stings, I can taste blood as I lick them to sooth the pain. My eyes hurt from them watering. Not now._

_He can barely smile. It hurts him to twist his lips into a semblance of a smile. My jaw hurts from clenching it so hard. I can't break now. Not now. Hold yourself. He takes short breaths, it seems to hurt just as much as me, if not more. "I- I don't want...to die, 'Ruka."_

_A part of me is yelling to tell him that everything is going to be alright. That we will make it out of here, that soon Konoha will be there. But I can't say a thing. I just can't lie. I can't. "Stay with me, 'Zumo... Stay..."_

_"'__m sorry..." His head is starting to loll down. _

_"__No, Izumo! Talk to me! Talk... to me..." I can't do a thing as I see him breath less and less. He is gone already, somehow. I don't know how much time pass by, but in this relative silence, there's only his breathing that keeps me awake. Maybe... if I stay awake he'll wake up. Maybe._

_But he just stop breathing, the continuing beeping of the machine telling what I don't want to know. I can't stop shaking, I can't stop choking on my breath. I can't discern his ravaged body anymore because I can't control the tears. I can't feel anything more than a deep pain in my chest._

_My emotions are jumbled and I can't discern clearly what I feel. I'm tired, oh, so tired._

_There's people in the room. I don't remember falling asleep. They are busying themselves around Izumo, unstrapping him!_

_I don't care if I hurt. "Hey! You assholes! What do you think you're doing? Don't touch him!" I'm ignored, like the cattle that I am, putting Izumo's body in the red bag. "What are you going to do to him?" I want an answer, damn it! "No! Come back! You have no rights!"_

_And the door is shut. I am left here._

_Alone._

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><p>Kakashi had lost a lot of people in his life. He would have thought that he would get used to it. Somehow. But each time the pain was more vivid. Leaning against his kitchen counter, he stared at the blue key. He should go and pack everything. He should. That's what he was told again and again. But no, he was not going to do it. Not now.<p>

He heard a tentative knocks at his door. Taking a sip of his black coffee, he ignored the sound. Taking the key in his hand, he played with it, tossing it in his hand, wondering. Another row of knocks. He sighed, putting the mug on the counter and slipping his mask in place. He was not going to be left alone, not on this day.

Only opening his door to a slit, "What do you want?".

Naruto hold his gaze, even if the words were said in a rough tone. "The ceremony will be starting soon, Kakashi-sensei," he replied in a soft voice. "I thought that, maybe, you would like to know."

Keeping his voice leveled – because he knew it wasn't his fault in all of this, he tried to smile, even if it did not show with his mask on. "Thank you, but I won't be attending it."

Naruto blocked the closing door with his hand. "Kakashi, they are also doing a small part for Iruka-sensei, so I thought that-"

His brows furrowed slightly. "No." The mask gave nothing away, but the tone of his voice had been hard; it was the end of the discussion.

Kakashi was known for being respectful for his fallen comrades. Naruto dared the gray eyes. "It would only be out of respect for Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi ruffled his hair, looking at the ground for some seconds. "Look, I'm sorry. But I don't want to attend the funeral for someone I don't consider gone. Please, understand that, Naruto."

The jinchuuriki said nothing, looking at his feet. Naruto finally scratch his head, looking back at him again. "You're right, sensei. I'm sorry for this." Kakashi nodded. They both hesitated for a moment, neither of them risking a word. "Sakura and I will come by later, then."

Waving his hand as a good bye, he closed his door when Naruto turned the corner of the hallway, rubbing his eyes. He was tired. Everyone was tired. The circles under Naruto's eyes were surely as deep as his. It was his _brother_ who was gone, after all.

He knew that Hagane would held it against him for not being there. But it was against his principle. They were not gone, and he would not acknowledge their death. The pressure was hard to push back, as everyone seemed to want him to hold funerals.

At some point he had thought of holding one. But he had not been able to put an end to his hope of seeing Iruka again. It was not rational – his brain would repeat it relentlessly that he was being foolish. How could he be? Something under his skin was crawling, and he could not know if it was Obito and Rin trying to tell him something, yet a visit at their graves did not give any answers.

He went back to his kitchen counter, taking his initial place, wondering again if he should at least clean up Iruka's place. If he could only make it to the apartment, it would be something new. It was not as if he had anything to do, missions were hard to get in those days. He left it to those who needed the money – lots of shinobis were having a hard time getting good payments with this new era of peace.

"Yeah, some kind of peace..." he muttered to himself. There were still shinobis sacrificing themselves for this era. This was no peace.

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><p><em>When I close my eyes, I see Izumo. When I open them, I see nothing. My mind is going numb. I don't care. Nothing truly matters. Will I only survive this? Should I? I'm partly responsible for my friend's death, after all. I should have known better. My job in this mission was clear, and I did not intend for my friend to be stuck with me.<em>

_The scientists are active around me. I'm never really alone anymore, but the feeling persist. I'm being checked on, they feed me through tubes, they test my body every day. I see the look on their faces, excitement in their eyes that I haven't died._

_I wish I had. The things they do to me. It hurts. I can't even think what they are doing to Izumo now. They always take blood sample. I've heard them talk about opening me, looking inside my body._

_They've keep bringing other shinobis, strap them to the second surgical table. They aren't in a pretty shape. They don't last long either._

_I'm scared. I'm cold. I'm tired. My back hurt for being strapped to that table. From time to time they move me around for a shower. The water stings my skin, and even if I shout out of pain, they don't stop. There's nothing much for a man here, they only need a body._

_So let it be, then._

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><p>There was a lot of people. Adults, children, many shinobis he had never met. Well, it was not as if he had ever tried to get into this closed circle of soldiers, he had only a few friends who had taken the job. He saw the leaders of the military force, he saw many legendary shinobi that had survived the Fourth War, he saw one of the lover of the two fallen comrades, but no Sharingan no Kakashi to pay respect to Umino Iruka. It seemed that he had found a person just like the sensei used to be.<p>

As he stood in the back – he was not very tall to see everything that was happening in the front row – he prayed in silence for the life of someone who had been once part of his family. It was at least a thing he could do, even if the man had never returned the favor for his sister.

He had never dared contact him. He had been so young when all of this had happened. Only five years old, he had barely grasped everything out. Yet, he had thought that somehow he would have had the chance to meet the man once again. To figure things out. Too bad, now.

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><p>They had been jumping from branch to branch since some hours now, making sure to follow a fast pace so they could make a good use of their time. Making sure no one was following, they kept checking for any trace of ninja. No one was to know that they were gone over to the Land of Iron. No one.<p>

Raidou held out his hands to indicate they would stop for a short while. Iruka had barely talked to Namiashi other than on a professional level, making sure to know the mission parameters and when to meet at the gates, but he suspected this man of being ANBU. He had a hard time understanding what this man thought of him, as his eyes always kept this neutral look, this kind of weird nonchalance he either saw in Kakashi.

"It's been a while you've been on a mission, Umino."

Iruka stared at the dark brown eyes, slightly narrowing his. "Yeah, it has."

Raidou took out a relaxed breath, that was how Iruka could put it. It was not a sigh, but he had a hard time defining what it was. "We didn't have a lot of time to discuss yesterday at the meeting. I just want to make sure you're alright with some of your parts of the mission."

Izumo scratched his head, trying to not say a thing, shifting uncomfortably from where he was sitting. "Maybe you should put it otherwise, Raidou. You know-"

A short movement from Iruka's hand silenced him. "No, it's alright. He's speaking his mind." He sighed. "Yeah, it was what I was formed for. Hokage-sama was the one to decide I was fit for the mission."

"Yeah, but the Uchiha is always so sure of himself. I asked to have a more skilled shinobi for this, but they had none. One of my colleague, a dear friend of mine, died last week in this kind of mission. So, you know." Raidou crossed his arm on his chest, brushing off the hard look he was given.

If Iruka could have said what was on the back of his mind, he would have. His fists balled and his jaw clenched, ignoring the pain in his muscles. Izumo was impress with the calm tone Iruka answered."If it's because of my chunnin rank that you are doubting my capabilities, I would ask you to look at my file again. Because I am clearly able to do this job, whatever it takes. Even if I am the last choice of Konoha administration."

The jounin smiled slightly, but nothing lit up in his eyes. "Good. Just wanted to clarify things. I'm no Kakashi, Iruka. I won't let this mission go down because of my comrades, understood? Let's move." Just as much it had been surprising to take a break so shortly after their departure from Konoha, Raidou simply started his way again.

"You alright?" Izumo smiled sadly at his friend as they resumed their pace.

The pony tail haired shinobi shrugged. "Yeah. Forget it, it happens all the time. They don't know me."

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><p><em>I am a loose end. I'm forgetting completely why I'm here. Even if they are not the ones we thought we would be dealing with, I still have a mission to do. I still need to recuperate as much info as I can.<em>

_Huh. I'm saying that, but I can't even force myself to open my eyes. I suppose that even if I realize those kind of things, it doesn't work like this. I can't even feel my limbs. I don't even have the impression that I'm breathing. Yet, I suppose I'm still alive, the beeping machine is hurting my ears for so long now._

_"__Damn. You're not pretty." I can't clearly take a look of the person in front of me – the light hurts like hell - but the voice tells me something. "Bring him."_

_Untied, I hissed as they drag me into a darker room. I can't move my leg nor my arms, but my mind is running through the possibilities to take them down. In the dark, I can discern four men. Four men that clearly don't see me as a menace anymore. I'm shoved rudely onto a chair, hurting my back, and I'm tied up again._

_"__You sure he'll survive?" Oh. I see. So now it's that time._

_Someone scoff. "Sure. It's not as if we wanted to kill him. Well, not now, anyway." I discern Katashi near a small table, opening some kit. Instruments. "You wait outside."_

_"__We're not suppose to start without Hayato-sama." The stern voice comes from Kyoshi, who's leaning against the wall._

_"__While he's away I'm your superior here." The glare they send each other would have killed if they could. Kyoshi gives me a glance, and I know from his eyes that he is not happy with what's happening. Still, he leaves, followed by the others._

_Katashi turns to me, smiling, "We'll start easily. Where are you from?"_

_I simply stare at the exit. There was some light. It's not well lit. Where am I? Has Konoha found anything to get to me? Will I be able to get out of here?_

_My body wants to crawl in a little ball as I feel one of my fingers being snapped. The shout of pain leave my lips without my consent, as I try to control my ragging breath. "Try a bit harder." I won't look at him. That's what he wants. He snaps a second finger, and it's just worse than the first time. I clench my jaw and hold my breath. Damn. The pain is pounding down my forearm. I can't barely breath as he goes for my other fingers. I'm seeing black spots. My body wants to be sick._

_"__Katashi!" barks Kyoshi, that I recognize by his voice. I hadn't even registered that someone had opened the door. From the way the atmosphere shift, I know that the leader is here. "Get. Out."_

_I open only one of my eyes, as if keeping the second one closed for another small moment could help the pain. He is taller than I thought, his dark green eyes on me._

_I'm surprised. Katashi had that dread for vengeance. Hayato seems... sorry. Since the day I've been brought here, I've felt like a lab rat, a dead man. He sees me for who I am. I might be a traitor from their point of view, but I'm gaining back a sense of humanity._

_He walks calmly in the room, his armor clinging at each of his step, looking at the small table where the instruments are."Close the door, Kyoshi."_

_I breath in, I breath out as I study Kyoshi leaning against the wall again, while his superior is getting out some vials."What... What do you all want of us..." My mouth had opened without my consent. Too late to take it back._

_He still doesn't look at me. "Simply giving the world a better chance, shinobi. And you have helped us. You and your friend, in fact."_

_How. Could. He! "You asshole! What have you done to him!" The ropes cut my wrists as I finally found some strength to move._

_He shakes his head and takes a syringe in his hands. "I have done nothing. But what had to be done is done. This is how it works, One-o-six. You know it."_

_And I know he is right. Like every other hidden village, Konoha has captured enemies to gain info from them. It's all something that has been done. And as much as those kind of things are not told, they happen. I'm trained for it._

_I bit my lip as he injects me something. "So you will listen to me, One-o-six. You seem to have a strong mind, but I don't think that in your condition you will be able to sustain a lot of it. Therefore, let's start from the beginning."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_I still have a hard time grasping reality. If it hadn't just happened, I would be lost. I don't know what kind of toxins he injected in my blood stream, but it's clear that I'm not used to them. My tongue is pasty, I can't catch my breath... as if water is filling my lungs. When Hayato disappear from my sight, memories are flashing in front of my eyes._

_"__What's your name?" Sandaime asks. Or so it is. I bit my tongue, keep myself from talking. Through the toxins, I know there's one to make me say things I don't want to. "Remember what I told you, Shinobi. If you listen to me, everything is going to be alright."_

_Sure. "I'll be dead whether or not I talk." I blink as things become blurry momentarily._

_Sandaime smiles sadly, his arms crossed on his chest a he sighed. "Don't you understand? I won't kill you. I will make sure you live so you can find out what we've made of the world. We're not like your kind."_

_"__You should tell that to my friend." I hope my voice let out all the hate and the murdering intent as much as I feel them._

_"__I'm sorry for him, but he was useful for the peace. Kyoshi, inject him a higher dose." I dare Hayato's stare as he scratch his gray beard. "You are very well trained, One-o-six. For whom are you working for? Which torture department formed you to sustain such extent? It's been a while we've dealt with shinobis like you. Just like your people, we use from time to time experiments to protect ours."_

_I'm getting dizzy, the world spins. I try to keep my body from shaking. "Fuck... you."_

_"__But you do know it's true. We have to make sacrifices. Just as you and your friend were sacrificing yourself for your home, just as you killed my youngest son with that explosion." I grit my teeth. "He had a son himself, a loving wife, a family that loved him."_

_It's... freaking hard. He could be lying. But I can't shake it off. My mind is reeling. My heart is beating madly, I'm sweating. I brought death to someone who also had a family. It was his son. I killed a father to a child. That man was doing what he thought was right for them._

_I can't keep my whimper as Hikaru crouches in front of me, her piercing blue eyes hurting with just a look. "Now, will you listen to me?" She touches my cheeks gently and smiles sadly. "What's your name. Tell me."_

_"__I... I am... No... You are dead. You are dead." You are dead. You don't exist, you are dead._

_Breath in._

_Breath out._

_You. Don't. Exist._

_You. Are. Dead._

_"__What is your name."_

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><p>Sasuke crossed his arms on his chest, his vision falling on the photography of team seven. Sakura had surely put it there in the remembrance of the old days. He could clearly picture her, limpid as water, putting the picture at this place in a way it would not be too much in view to disturb him, but closely enough that he would not miss it if he turned his head.<p>

"Hey! are you listening to me?"

He sighed, closing his eyes before looking back at Naruto, scratching his forehead. "Yes, I am. You sure you're going? Shouldn't I?"

The blond simply grinned. "Nah, I am going. Anyway, it's not like you can choose. Kakashi-sensei won't follow you out there."

"Hn." His index tipping on the desk helped to process through the situation. "The council won't buy this."

"Those old gramps will have to. Things are moving. Mifune's son has been able to gain the upper hand and he has asked for our help. It's just as if you were sending another team in!"

"Not quite, but it will have to do." Rising, he took the folders in front of him, "I have to go see Sakura now," Naruto's eyes perked up and he stood up, "something about being always in the office and her having to make all the way here from the hospital." As Sasuke opened the door, he turned to Naruto who promptly sat at the Hokage's desk. "You have some things to be done here?"

"Yeah, got some papers I have to look at."

Weird. He thought everything had been taken care of since he was leaving for an unknown amount of time. "Kakashi's retirement file you had to work on since two weeks now?" The way Naruto skittishly answered, he shook head. "Idiot," he muttered as he stepped outside, followed by Mouse who closed the door.

Naruto smiled at Owl, and started filling out the form. Even if he was to tell the ANBU that he didn't need him, he would scoff and just stay there; it was a veteran who wanted to do his job to the end. The jinchuuriki knew that if something was to happen, he would be the one, in fact, rescuing him.

Which was not a high probability. Things weren't so bad. The last few months had been hard for many of them. There were good things, and there were bad things. Sure, many shinobis were now employed again, but it meant that people were also dying out there. Things were uneasy, being pressured by the other hidden villages for the choices they had made, some on their side, others against. Iruka-sensei was still in those lands, somewhere; he would find him. The fact that Kakashi had not accepted his death surely meant something.

He took a break – it was not the most exciting thing to do, and getting to the middle of the papers had been a good task. He was not sure how Sakura and Sasuke could get through this so easily and keep everything in order.

Stretching his arms, he turned his head, studying the picture held on the shelf, the only one he knew was troubling Sasuke. It had been a good idea to leave it there, instead of his old apartment where it was getting all dusty.

It was a good reminder. A little something to make Sasuke remember that he was their friend, even through doubts and disarray. It had been harder than he had thought, to get the people to accept the Uchiha has their leader. The council had accepted only because he would have to go through Sakura and him, and then all those old people again to approve certain decisions that were to be made.

At least, he had been able to bring him back, even if he knew that it was surely more difficult for his friend than he let it show.

* * *

><p>Kakashi put his orange book into his pocket as he exited the elevator, each of his steps seemed loud to him as he walked through the hallway. This part of the hospital was pretty quiet, from time to time a nurse would pass by, nodding and smiling to him. He simply stared back, hands in pockets. It was not that he disliked hospitals, but he had lost many people between those walls. But which shinobi had not?<p>

As he stopped at his door, he knew why the knots he had deep down his stomach felt heavy. Visiting a friend was normal, you would take news, talk to them, help them get through the bad times. But as his eyes fell on Raidou's body, it hurt him. He would have to get used to it, he supposed. To come by as much as he could to talk to him, even if he would never have any answers. Even if the man would never wake up.

He sighed, looking away.

"You can come in, Kakashi." He looked up and saw a small woman, caramel hair lightly falling on her frail shoulder. "We'll let Kakashi with daddy, come on," she hushed to her young girl, tugging on her hand gently.

Kakashi scratched his head. "No, no. I don't want to shorten your time because of me, Maiko."

"It's quite alright. We're done reading our story, aren't we?" The way she looked down on her daughter made Kakashi smiled sadly. The child barely nodded, her big brown eyes on him.

"She's even more beautiful by each passing day."

Maiko smiled, rubbing one of her eye. "Yeah, she is. She's just like her dad, so proud and determined." She kept silent for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but we need to go. Have a nice day, Kakashi."

He smiled. "Thank you. Be well, Maiko."

"Thank you... for visiting him," she whispered, leaving him in front of the gray door. "Oh! And Kakashi... please don't be mad at my husband." He turned around, looking at her. He hoped his eyes said nothing, keeping his face stoic, even as he saw the tears she was trying to hide by wiping them fast. "He did what he thought was right, you know that."

And as she entered the elevator, Kakashi simply stared at the floor for a moment. "Why you crying, mommy?" he faintly heard as stainless steel doors closed.

Kakashi shook his head, mechanically walking to the blue chair settled in the corner of the room, still emanating heat from the last occupant as he sat on it. Sighing, he ruffled his hair, taking his headband off, his arms resting on his knees, weariness taking hold of his body. The constant beeping of Raidou's heart were all that muffled his ears. He dared give a glance at his sleeping friend.

Covered by a white bed sheet, he was monitored by different machines, looking peaceful, even if his body seemed so thin compared to what it used to be when his muscles were not atrophied. If Kakashi had not known, he would be sure that it was simply a genjutsu that kept him from waking up. But no. Missions like his were nasty, and nasty missions tended to bring the worse out of the soldiers. He had learned that the poison that had ran through his system had made every chakra pathways collapse.

"He should have died," Sakura had said. "The only reason he's alive is because of Tsunade-sama, a good medical team and I, and add sheer luck."

But he would never wake up. And somehow, Kakashi would have hoped for Raidou's wife to let him go. It was not a way to finish his life as a shinobi. If it would have been him, Iruka would know what to do. Would he?

He scoffed, resting back against the chair, rubbing his tired eyes. "I'm despicable, you know?" he muttered. "Here I am, thinking that you would be better dead." He hated himself for thinking that way, but he also could not help the part that yelled that it was Raidou's fault for taking away his two team mates.

And even if his mind was working rationally over the conversation they had had before, he simply could not just shake it away.

He had known where to find him. Raidou always made his tour of the city before going home, a habit he had developed while working for the third and the fifth. "Iruka told me he was going with you tomorrow."

Raidou had smiled, scratching his nose. "Ha! Always so forefront, Kakashi. Yeah, I am. What's the problem?"

"I know you're not the kind to take shinobis you're not used to work with. Have you tried casting him off?

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Sure did. But there's no one else. Or so as they say. You know how it goes."

"Hm. And what do you think?"

Raidou knew Kakashi, and even if the used-to-be-copy nin was trying to look nonchalant, he knew he clearly was not. "We're not all coming back, Kakashi." Grey eyebrows frowning, muscles becoming stiff. "And I will try to bring them both back, you can trust me on that.

"But I want you to understand that I will not sacrifice my mission for them. Even if it has to cost my life. I'll be scum, whatever. But I am not you."

Kakashi simply stared at Raidou, pondering. "And what about your wife. And your daughters?" he whispered. The way Raidou frowned, looked away and his jaw clenched, Kakashi knew he had swoop low.

"We are friends, Kakashi; we went through a lot together. But it's my business. And such is yours with Umino. That kid sure knows what he's getting into, I've made sure of that when I explained at the meeting. So don't come and pull that shit on me. Just talk with him."

"Sorry, Raidou. I should not be asking this from you." His eyes swept the floor a second, before facing dark brown ones again. "Be careful on that mission."

"Sure will. Need to go. Maiko's waiting for me to pick up Iguri." And as the silver haired jounin was leaving, he heard Raidou sighed lightly, making him stop in his track. "We'll be back, somehow. That's certain."

Sure will... He had not thought much of the words Raidou had said that day. Yes, they would be back, _somehow_. Kakashi felt shivers roll on his back. Raidou had always even been more realist than he would ever be.

He wondered if the fact that he'd been poisoned was because he had tried to bring them back. Because he had asked. It was easier when he was the one offering his life on the field. It was always harder when it was a friend.

Scratching his masked chin, he took a look at the clock, knowing that he could not wait much longer before going to see Hagane. At Iruka's apartment. And he was terribly late. He could just hope that Naruto would be done with his papers before he came back at his place.

* * *

><p><em>I focus on my breathing as I try to stop the pounding in my head. I want to be sick, but there's nothing in my stomach. What they made me swallow is already gone. I barely remember things, or what exactly happened.<em>

_I grunt as I'm shoved back on my chair, ignoring the cold hand patting my cheek – "You're good, Iruka," – or the words and the snickering hurting my pride. My legs are still shaking, my knees hurting from standing on them for such a length._

_Don't think about it. Be glad they know nothing that truly matters. They know nothing of Konoha. Of Kakashi. You did well. It's part of the job. It's normal... It's normal._

_Taking heavy breaths makes my body relax at least a little, and I can think more clearly. It's been some days since the last session. They clearly won't kill me. They even patched me up. And that's what makes it worse._

_I am barely able to move. My muscles have atrophied from being tied up to that cold table. Trying to gather a little to no chakra in the last days, but I haven't felt a thing. I'm so weak._

_I held up my eyes to the light entering the room as someone comes in. "Hey." It's Kyoshi. He's... different than the others. He knelt in front of me, and instead of amusement in his eyes, I see pain, and sadness. He cares._

_The heat in his hands makes my cheeks burn from the touch. "You should eat. I won't force you, but you should."_

_Huh._

_"__Don't scoff. It's only going to be worse from there on." He lean towards me, whispering, "Things are getting worse for them. Shinobis are moving. I'll get you out."_

_"__What?" I have a hard time saying those words. They hurt my throat. But is it true? I frown, my face twisting from my own accord. "Sure."_

_He lets my face go, and I found myself wanting his hands on my cheeks again. Or anywhere else so I wouldn't be cold anymore. Such luxuries._

_He put the tray of... food in front of me, before untying my hands. "Be strong, Umino."_

_I don't understand. Just thinking about what I should do right now is beyond my energy. I don't dare look at him as he gets out, the darkness reaching me again. And I'm there, looking at the plate, which food tastes like shit, and the fact that I wasn't even able to do a single thing while he was there untying me. And I don't know if I should feel sorry for myself. I just can't feel a lot of things anymore._

_I let myself fall on the ground, my legs unable to support me, and miserably taking the food with my fingers, I eat it. I don't know what I'm putting into my mouth, and I don't want to know, trying to control the gagging each time I try to swallow._

_But he is right. It's going to get worse. And between shitting and peeing myself, and the fact that I'm going to spill everything I know about Konoha because I'm getting weaker than I was before, I can't stand the latter._


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **Hello dear reader! Here is the sixth chapter. It is, as the fourth and fifth one, dealing with sensible theme. When I ended up writing this one, I can tell you that even I didn't know what to answer at the end of it for my own self. It was not easy, and chapter seven took me months to write.

I have seen a weird progression of my writing in this story, and I suppose it might have been due to my state of mind. Written in over a year in a half, I was struggling through my own mess, and I feel that it doesn't give you what I would have wanted. But, at the same time, it's something that is way more personal than I first imagined, and I thank you for reading it and keeping up with me.

Still, I always write it with the idea of being true to the characters, and I'm sorry if any of them is actually 'out of character'. Let me know, I will fix them up. And on this note, I let you go reading!

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

They had been looking for weeks now, moving relentlessly, focused on their task, asking of their bodies to push on. Barely sleeping, always waiting for an ambush, stopping from time to time in forgotten houses left to decay. They were careful, knowing those foreign lands to be treacherous in this time of civil war. Just the harsh weather was putting them to the test with the heavy snow falling since days now, with no end it seemed.

Everything felt heavy. Their boots, their legs, their frozen clothes. Even their eyelids were forcing them to find shelter for those kind of nights. The lands were empty. The war had made people flee their villages, leave their homes to go wherever they could find protection, help, and maybe some kind of peace. Many people had died; corpses were not always buried, and fire had been a better way to care for them. Many were still dying. From the cold, from the war, from the illnesses running rampage where civilization was gone.

They tried to minimize as much as possible their stop in any villages or cities. The less attention they would draw onto themselves, the better it would be. Yet, they needed to replenish their stock from time to time, since living on ration bars and dry meat was not a long term solution. In those time, they would try to stop at small places they could find on the map – ones that still existed.

Kakashi scratched his masked cheeks and took a sip of his... alcohol. The taste burned his tongue and made his throat hurt. Hand-made. Just like the old looking barn that was now used as a tavern. Seemed good for the night. No soldier spent time over here, even if they were not too far from the camp Raidou's team had infiltrated. People ending up in this place were either lost souls trying to find a way to forget what they had seen or people having no where else to go anymore. "So that any poor souls could find a place to die, and if not in peace, at least with someone at their side," had said the old man with a trembling voice, his eyes veiled by memories that Sharingan no Kakashi had wanted to know.

He eyed Naruto, asleep in his chair, his head resting in his arms on the table, four empty bowls of what should have been ramen – which were not, Naruto knew what ramen tasted like. He wondered if they truly blended in, even without their headband and shinobi uniforms.

"How are you holding up, eternal rival?"

"I should be the one asking you this question. Is your body hurting in any ways?"

Gai smiled tiredly. "I knew what I was up to when I made this decision, Kakashi. Those wounds from the war are only showing me that I have to be grateful for our youth to be so strong." Massaging his arms, he studied his silver haired friend intently. He was aware of the limits his body could take. Instead, he wondered if Kakashi knew his.

Maito Gai had never thought his friend would let his mind slip so much for the love he had for the young Iruka-sensei. But you never knew what love could do on a single mind, the way it would churn your inside for such a simple thing as a smile.

"Still, let us know if you need more time. Your muscles' degeneration could be getting worse." Kakashi rubbed his eyes, keeping himself from yawning. He was tired. They all were in some sort of way.

Being a shinobi was harder than most people would think, and Gai could only do so much to help him in his condition. "Naruto and I have not found anything that could give us a clue."

"And there's not much from what Genma could give us. There wasn't a lot that we could have from Raidou. Grasshoppers have some lead, but we need to find it. They have not given any disclosed info, only some general observation of what's happening." He sighed, ruffling his hair.

They knew there was something. They had heard it. Yet, it kept being invisible, always out of touch.

"We will find him, Kakashi-sensei. I'm sure Iruka-sensei is alright."

He was surprised. Was not the boy sleeping? "Thank you, Naruto. We just have to keep looking."

A sad and tired smile formed on his lips. However he would find Iruka, he would not be alright.

* * *

><p><em>I thought that I was going to be able to fight it. I thought that I was going to be strong enough to get through it. I won't, I know. My mind is snapping, even if I'm trying to keep it together. Hayato is good at his job. The toxins are way more stronger than I thought they would be. My physical state doesn't help. I close my eyes as the walls start to blend together.<em>

_Kyoshi comes less and less. Something's wrong. I've heard them talk. They don't trust him. Most hates him. They've beaten him up in front of my door. No food that night. I'm hungry._

_Strong gloved hands forces my chin up. "Where are you going, Iruka?"_

_I don't answer. I don't even know myself. I look into Izumo's dark eyes. He's been here for some days now. Whoever enters my room, it's him. It's bad. Sometimes, I'm not even sure if there is someone, and that maybe I'm hallucinating. Am I?_

_"__Face it, Iruka. You can't hold it anymore. Let yourself go." The voice is strained, tired. It's good to know that things don't go the way he wanted. I grit my teeth and bit my tongue. Another day, perhaps._

_And as I see Izumo sighs, I know that it's not him. When it's only him, he doesn't talk, only stares. He stares for so long that sometime I wonder if he ever looks away._

_I barely feel the syringe now. I can't keep my body from shuddering as I take sharp breath. I hate the feeling._

_"__Let's see how your mind will keep you from this."_

* * *

><p>Kyoshi slowly opened the door. He knew that he could not try his luck any more than this, but he had to. He had heard. Heard from Katashi. They had made it. And from what he could see from Iruka, he knew that he had to move fast now.<p>

As he made his way to the gaunt man, he hold his breath from the reeking scent that pestered the room. Kneeling in front of him, ignoring the vomit, he tried to reach for his face. The movement was almost imperceptible, but Iruka had moved his head so his hand would not touch him.

"You've got to be strong, Iruka. Please, stay with me."

Small tremors were shaking the chuunin's body. "What do you want? Isn't it enough?" he had whispered with a rusty voice.

Kyoshi sighed, biting his lips. "I need a little more time."

Iruka could not hold it any longer, and let sobs escaped his mouth. "I... can't."

"Yes, you can. Look at me." His hands reached for the tear streaked face, but the brown eyes were empty. "Hold it. There's so much we have to do in so little time. I promise I'll bring him here. I promise Sharingan no Kakashi will be here." He hoped it was recognition he saw in the deep brown eyes.

He heard the door being opened. "Hey, what are you doing here?" It wasn't Katashi. Good.

He turned to the full armored samurai standing between him and the exit. "I'm assessing the shinobi's state. We have to make sure he survives it."

A scoff. "Hayato-sama said that no one should be seeing him. Especially not you."

"I'm just doing my job, and it's done. I'm leaving him to you."

And it was true, he was done. He just needed to make sure he could wrap everything up without too much problem. And as he closed the door behind him, he tried to ignore the fact that the samurai had not followed him outside. He could not care for anyone.

* * *

><p><em>I'm losing my mind. I'm losing what I've fought so hard to protect. They know now. They know who I am and where I'm from. They know about Kakashi. They know a lot of things about Kakashi. What will happen? I can't. I can't.<em>

_Yet, the important part of Konoha is safe. It's the only thing I've been able to keep. For... How long...?_

* * *

><p>Naruto had lead the way for some time. He knew that the two seniors, even as strong as they were, were not in their prime age anymore. It was something he understood very well, even if it was kind of weird to notice. It was not necessarily making them weak in a fight, on the contrary, but he could tell that their muscles for each of them had been built for a different exercise. Making an easier path to walk through the snow field was tiring. It had been a while now there had been any trees.<p>

The land of Iron was so different than Fire country. There was snow everywhere, and trees were only a small part of the lands. It was hard to find any shelter, and moving in the night was worse, the cold becoming problematic as their winter gear was not protecting them well enough. He missed his country.

Since how much time had they left? He hoped that things were alright in Konoha. He knew Sakura was there to help Sasuke, yet what would happen with the council?

He stopped in his track, holding his hand in the air as a sign for a halt. Something was bothering him. Other than the fact that they were making their way in the open, it was this small presence he felt, but could not pinpoint.

Kakashi scratched is chin. "What's the matter?" They had decided to take information from bigger places. If they could not find a thing by themselves, they had to move differently.

"Someone's been following us. Have you feel it?"

Kakashi frowned. Searching around him, extending his chakra, he barely felt it. That person had either very little chakra, or could control it very well, unable to know where it was.

"His chakra his so small, I thought at first it was a civilian. But he is progressing in parallel to us."

"I do not think this person wants to defy us, or else they would have been more straightforward or we would have fallen in an ambush," added Gai.

"Yeah. But where does it come from?"

"From here."

Naruto's eyes widen as he saw what Kakashi was pointing. "A rock?"

Kakashi closed his eyes mere seconds, wondering how come Naruto could be so dense sometimes. "We know you are there. Step out of your hiding place."

A blond man slowly walked in front of the rock. "I'm not hiding. I don't want to fight you eit'er."

"What do you want?!" shouted Naruto. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I know him," said Kakashi in a low voice. "He's a grass shinobi."

"What?"

"He's the one I was sent with Genma to get the Intel Scroll."

"His chakra doesn't feel right for a shinobi."

"And what is it that you are seeking from us, grass shinobi?"

"We shouldn't be discussing out here; patrols are looking out. T'ere is an old tunnel t'at I found out by inadvertence. T'is is how I could find you before you reached the next village. Come."

The decision was not hard to make, not bothering to reach a consensus they had already made in silence. Reaching the rock, they found out a hole that was partly hidden. Pretty convenient.

The tunnel was dark and cold, but at least the wind was not bothering them anymore. It opened on a small room – if you could call it that. The tunnel was simply enlarging, giving enough place to put a small table and a small number of people.

"How did you find us, Grasshopper?"

"Always so forefront, Sharingan no Kakashi. I wasn't expecting to find you so fast. I have my connections."

"What do you want!" Naruto had a hard time to keep his calm.

"To bring you to your soldier, Umino Iruka."

Was it true? None of them could tell, Kyoshi's face partly hidden in the dark.

"You know where he is? Take us to him!"

Kakashi was glad that Naruto could talk, since his mind was reeling, keeping him from uttering a word.

It was bad. That guy knew he was linked to Iruka. He feared the worst. He had to stop analyzing, because now he was picturing things that he did not want in his head. But he had to face reality. And reality was shoving him that his lover had failed at his mission.

"In exchange, you have to help me to get t'e last t'ings I need."

"And that is?"

"Mifune-sama's troops are moving toward us for help, but t'ey are not going to be fast enough. You have to help me keep t'ings from being destroyed. I'll explain everyt'ing on the way." Without waiting, he simply started a run through the tunnel, and they followed without a glance back. "You are aware t'at Mifune's son has been able to overt'rown the government t'at had taken place after t'e revolution. Some of us have been able to work under t'e enemy's veil, such as Konoha. My last partner died because he was ratted out.

"He had found out about t'e lab, but had not been able to do anyt'ing more before he was found out. I agreed to take his place. It's been mont' that I've followed t'em. I did some dirty work, I won't hide it. I was born here. Makes me t'e perfect candidate to be a mole."

"It makes sense why Takeshi wasn't at ease with you around," stated Kakashi. "But why Grass country?"

"Because. You should focus on t'e fact t'at Hayato – one of t'e general helping t'e rebels – have found out t'at shinobis have taken a side in t'is. He is already working on destroying evidence a group of scientists was working on."

"What do you mean?"

"T'ey are working on somet'ing t'ey say will be a cure. I didn't understand much of it, but I have copied what I could find on it. Somet'ing about chakra pat'ways or else. T'ey won't find out I'm t'e mole."

That man sure was confident on this, Kakashi thought. From every spotlight they passed, he could see how Grasshopper's face was thin and showed mark of abuse: a swollen eye and dried blood under his nose, a small cut near his jugular.

They had turned through different tunnels. It was a long maze. Right, right, left, straight, right, Kakashi calculated. He hoped Gai had taken time to memorize it.

Grasshopper stopped to a walk near some stairway that gave place to a door. "We don't have much time. I'll bring you to Umino, but I need cover."

And as Gai studied the stairs, he saw blood running down the walls, a badly beaten and cut body hanging in them, some articulations dislodged. He studied Naruto and Kakashi. Minato's son was bracing himself, he had waited so long to find his Iruka-sensei. Kakashi was cold, calculating and collected. He knew what he was up to. He was used to this. "Naruto and I will cover you. Kakashi will remember the way to the cell."

"What? Why!"

Kakashi eyed Gai. "Gai is right, Naruto. They are withholding very important information that could be valuable to Sakura, Sasuke and you."

"But-" Naruto gritted his teeth. He knew what both men were up to. He was not that blind, not that stupid. They thought he would not be able to sustain what they would find of Iruka-sensei. But at the same time, they were right. What he could find was valuable, and he remembered pretty well what Sasuke wanted too. He looked at his feet for a moment, "Yeah. Right. We should be going, then. Show us the way."

* * *

><p><em>It's been days since I've seen anyone. I... I suppose that I did like for them to take care of me. It's wrong. But I feel so alone and... shallow. I'm not worth a thing. They've won. I've failed. Miserably. So much for telling Kakashi that I was strong enough.<em>

_Time pass slowly. I count my days as I see Izumo's corpse stand there, looking at me with dead eyes. His veins run on his gray skin, and sometimes he let out a long, deep breath that sounds like a cry. "Kaaakaaashhiii." It's hard to ignore._

_Sometimes he leaves, this would be a night. When he comes back, another day starts. I'm at fourteen. I wonder if this is what death is. You stand there and watch the people you love without being able to do a thing. I'm delirious. I've got too many toxins in my blood. I'm being poisoned... Too bad. I'll be gone soon. They've been moving, and it's not as they wanted._

_Here, someone's open the door. A samurai. He has blood on his drawn katana. I can't barely support my body, yet I don't want him to kill me this way, tied up to a chair, sitting in my own piss and feces. "Untie... me."_

_He says nothing. It's not as if he should. Here. Come. It'll be over. His steps seem to be so slow. Only two more. He grabs my hair, making me hiss, forcing to look at his helmet. "You've been a good enjoyment. Too bad we have to dispose of you, scumbag." _

_Sure, do so. Who would care. It's not as if Kyoshi was trustworthy. I feel the blade against my throat. I take a shaky breath, expelling it as I shudder one last time. But he stops dead in his track, gurgling, falling on his side._

_"__Iruka! Iruka look at me."_

_Kakashi? Fingers check my neck, gray eyes trying to find something. What?_

_"__Damn. Iruka, I'm here," he whispers into my ears as he takes me into his arms after untying my numb hands. "Say something, please." His voice his shaking. His voice never shakes. Not in my memories. He knows. Oh, he knows._

_There's only one thing I deserve, Kakashi._

_"__Please, kill me."_

* * *

><p>"So, when do you think Naruto's coming back? It's been a month now."<p>

Sasuke put down the dishes he was cleaning. "Hn. It's Naruto. Who knows?"

Sakura sighed, stretching her arms and legs from her sitting position. "Yeah, but still." She stood up, bringing her own dish to the sink. "Thank you for the help."

Sasuke said nothing, simply washing the used dishes. It was fair for the dinner she had cooked.

"Oh! Sorry for my absence at the council meeting today, the operation took longer than expected. How are they taking things?"

The fact that many of the shinobis still held a grudge against him was not helping his reputation. Well, he supposed that what he had done was not going to be forgotten so soon. "Those old rags are trying to make things worse. They want us to withdraw completely and that we present apologies for our rash decision. As if it would change anything..." They stayed silent, the running water being the only noise heard. He closed his eyes for a moment, before turning to her. "I'm sorry too."

She leaned against the counter, her eyebrows rising. "About what?"

"What... I did to you."

She smiled. A sad smile, he noted. "If I thought you would be trying to kill me, you wouldn't be here."

They became silent, staring at each other. They had made decisions in their life, and even if she knew Sasuke had done so because he thought it was what had to be done, it did not mean to her that he was not in the wrong. He should have trusted his friends. He should have trusted Naruto and her.

You can't love someone who abused you for his own sake; taking down whoever stepped on his path; taking the one that trusted him as shield. She did wonder sometimes what had happened to Karin, after the war.

She heard the door of her apartment open. "Naruto? You're-" She did not finish her sentence.

Naruto was weathered down, his skin hardened by the cold he had worked against since weeks, his body thinner by the rationed food. She was aware of those facts; shinobi on the field all came back with different problems due to their long time work. Chakra depletion, food deficiencies, wounds, tiredness. Those were just a few between what she was treating.

Yet, that his eyes would be so angry? She was not prepared for that. "What happened?"

"You could have send someone else."

"What are you talking about, dobe?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about! You could have talk to me before sending Iruka-sensei in!"

Black brows furrowed. "He was the best choice. And it's not as if he was not old enough to take his own decision."

In a blink of an eye, strong hands took Sasuke by the shirt. "There was plenty of other shinobis to send. A lot of them are looking for work!"

"Take your hands off me," Uchiha whispered in a very low voice, his eyes narrowed and piercing.

Naruto gritted his teeth. "I trusted y-" He yelped as he felt pulled away from Sasuke with force.

Sakura was between them, holding as far as her arms could take them from each other. "Hey! Haven't you had enough of a war, both of you?!" she snarled. Studying both of them, Sasuke shaking off her grip as he scoffed, Naruto coming back to his senses, she let the blond go. "You are both acting stupid! As far as I'm concern, Sasuke is not the only one at fault here!"

"I'm... sorry, Sakura. It's just-"

She shook her head, nudging Naruto to sit at the table. "Hey, it's okay. Sasuke will get over this, won't he?" she chided the Uchiha over her shoulder. Something was way too off to her taste, and as she worked hard to control the level of stress getting on her mind, she went to fill a glass of water. "Here. Tell us what happened. Is Iruka-sensei... alright?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Kakashi used to like the weight of kunais in his hand. How practical they were, always easily hidden and at your disposition in times of need. It was a useful weapon, a deadly weapon. Yeah, deadly. Slamming it on his counter, he gritted his teeth, shutting his eyes, trying to keep himself from screaming.

His mind was not able to keep him from his emotions. All of this, for that. He hated who he was at the moment. He hated being a shinobi. What should have he done in a case like this? It was exactly why he had fought so hard to remain only a tool and a rational person, without being attached to anyone.

Iruka had put a balm on some of his fears. He had not arranged everything, it had not been his job, but he had helped to gain some peace on some elements of his life. And now, Kakashi wondered what should have been his job.

The job of the shinobi? Protect your village at all cost?

Or the job of the lover? Protect the one you love?

He saw a dark figure unlocking his window with a kunai, before a gloved hand slid the white mask to rest on top of the brown hair. "What do you want, Tenzou."

"Just checking on you. I heard."

Saying nothing, he rubbed his face tiredly. "Really?"

The ANBU simply sat on the corner of the table, his lips forming a small smile. "Your friends are talking. How are you feeling?"

Kakashi scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest. "What do you want?"

It had not been the right question to ask, it seemed. "Offer some help. We're friends, that's what a friend would do." He scratched his head, judging Kakashi. He was standing very still in his kitchen, deep circles under his eyes, his body stiff and hungry. He had not cared much for himself lately. Hell, for some months now.

"There's nothing you can do. There's nothing I can do either."

"That bad?"

"You know very well how it is. You sign as a child to become a shinobi, to protect your village and the people. You accept plainly to just be a pawn in a bigger game, and you have to do your best, or else..." His stance shifted as he took a moment of silence, his eyes staring at a family picture without seeing it. "Then, you grow older and you realize that there is more to this. Mixing family with the shinobi life is not something I was made for."

Yamato stood up, reaching for Kakashi carefully. "You shouldn't let things go like this. It's not because it hasn't work between us that everything is lost when it comes down to those kind of things. I have since a long time accepted that being ANBU was my life. I wouldn't do anything else. But it's not you."

The copy nin let the gloved hand stay on his shoulder. So Tenzou had also heard about this. "I need to do something. If I couldn't be a good lover, then I should be a good shinobi at least."

"What happened back there was not your fault."

"What were you told? To be checking on me? Is it Naruto?"

"Sakura."

A sigh. "She's too perceptive."

"What you've decided was the right thing."

"And how do you know?"

"'Cause it means that you're giving yourself a chance."

"And him, did I give him a chance?"

* * *

><p>Kyoshi sat lazily in the chair, his head resting on his fist. "So t'is is all of what I was able to get." He never liked that he was not able to read the Uchiha face.<p>

"Is it all the documents?"

"Huh. T'is is what you asked for." Black eyes narrowed slightly. "T'is is not my problem; I had my orders. You'll talk wit' the ot'er Kages and Mifune's son."

Sasuke gritted his teeth, leaning back in his chair carefully. "You will have the medical supplies just as it had been dealt."

"Good. Do we have anyt'ing else to discuss?"

"Yes." He turned his head over his shoulder at the door that had just closed to two shinobis. He recalled Naruto, who had helped him to make all the intel secure and to get everyone, but the pink head he had never seen her. Her green eyes looked at him with apprehension as she sat behind the desk on the left of the black haired boy. "Naruto told me you have helped getting Umino Iruka here. We thank you for that."

He scratched his head tiredly, sighing. "Don't. I haven't work wit' t'is idea in mind, and I don't want your t'anks for t'is." He felt better as he saw them dealing with those new thoughts. He was no savior. Simply someone who had decided to use everything at his disposition. And he knew Naruto felt the same way toward him, the staring blue eyes hard.

Sakura looked at the files she held in her hand for a second, wondering how someone could be so cold and calculated. She never understood Sasuke on that either. And as she resumed, she held her chin high, "Now that it is clear, I need to know what they did to our soldiers, Kamizuki Izumo and Umino Iruka. Since you were present when they tortured them, I need to know what chemicals and tools they used."

He grunted as she handed him different forms that he had to fill. Really?

"The only reason I'm not making you pay for this, Grass stain, is only because dobe here has agreed that you fulfilled your term of the contract."

Kyoshi smiled back at Naruto, knowing very well how everyone wanted his head. "I trust you on t'is, Jinchuuriki." But he had done what had needed to be done. He was free to go from his homeland, and free to live in this one under Grass protection. He had been able to protect the only person he felt inclined to.

* * *

><p>He hated this. He hated it so much. Shaking hands in his pockets, gritting his teeth so strongly his jaw hurt, he tried to control himself. He tried to muffle his sniffling as he made his way through the hospital, ignoring the stinging in his eyes and the pity he felt people were giving him.<p>

What had they done to his lover? He had barely been able to identify him down in the morgue. He had not been able to register everything the medical examiner had told him. He knew that he had suffered a great deal from the burns and some shattered bones got from an explosion. But he also knew that Izumo had been a lab rat. His eyes had been gouged out, his skull opened- How could they?!

He snarled, his fist connecting with a wall. The pain he felt in his hand was not a good incentive, and his rage was still burning through him. Nurses looked at him with wary eyes. He had to behave, he knew how things worked. He had to calm down. He had to. Or else how was he going to get through the next part?

As he approached the closed door, he tried to compose himself. Hatake was not as bad as he thought he was. He had, in the end, brought him back Izumo. Dead, but at least he was finally home. Yet, Kakashi had been the luckiest of them both. Or had he?

As Kotetsu opened the door slowly, he tried to hide behind a blank mask as he saw Iruka.

"H... ey..." The throaty greeting had been followed by a weak cough. Still, both seemed hard on him as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Hey. No, no, don't move, 'Ruka. Don't. It's quite alright." He was not able to keep his voice from shaking as he tried to sound positive. Sitting in the blue chair at the side of the bed, his hand reached for Iruka's one. The chuunin did not react, already worn out and slumbering. Kotetsu was not able to keep himself from letting out a small sob, muffling it by biting his own wrist.

He felt the weirdly twisted fingers in his hand. How cold and bony the hand was. The arms seemed too long for his body, his head too big on those frail shoulder and heavy-looking collarbone. A thin duvet had grown on his skin, his body fighting to keep him heated somehow. If it hadn't been for the machines around him certifying his hearth was beating and that he could hearing him breath, Kotetsu would not have given him a chance of being alive.

Hidden under thin blankets, he knew that what he only saw of the body didn't show the extent of the injuries. From what he had seen from Izumo's state, he could deduce Iruka's one. There was a severe chakra depletion, along with malnutrition and fever. And yet, he could not even start to wonder how things where going to turn out mentally.

They had seen a lot of things as shinobis. They had witness many deaths, friends and family alike. Yet, somehow, when one would come back from a mission in this kind of state, you always wondered if it was for the best. Because as Iruka was, he was mostly dead. Machines were keeping him alive. He shivered.

"I am so sorry, Iruka," he whispered, weeping his eyes with his now free hand. "For what you've been through. I'm so sorry."

And just as many years ago, he wondered why his friend had agreed on taking such a position in this job. Why? Torture and Interrogation was not where shinobi had the most chance of staying alive. Not when sent out on the field. He could have taken something else. He could have decided that he was not made for this after the chuunin exam. But he supposed that his jounin-sensei from back then had messed up with his head to make sure he would stay. As if he had love him.

Iruka's head moved – Kotetsu realizing he had scoffed without even knowing – but did not woke up. He would be there for him, as much as he could. They both needed it.

* * *

><p>"Yes, you gave him a chance, Kakashi."<p>

"Ha! Yeah, you say so when you didn't hear him plead me for ending his life." He pointed a picture of his father, trying to contain his anger. "And do you think he will get through the shame he will live with from having sold out his village?" He knew better than that. As much as he had been able to tell Iruka he had done the right thing for Hikaru back then, he had not been able to give him the same mercy. For who's sake?

Yamato looked at the floor for a moment. He did not know what to tell the older man. He had a point. Even him had a hard time living with the fact that he had been used against his will in the Fourth War. He had kill so many of his comrades. "I'm sorry. I understand."

Kakashi let his arm fall to his side. "I won't get back into ANBU, but I will get back on active duty. Things aren't going to go so well now with how everything has turn out. Gai and Naruto have been able to control some data to go out, yet our village have been weakened. We'll need every soldier we can have."

Tenzou nodded. "But until they really need you, spend your time with him. He will need it. And you will too. Leaving him alone will only reinforce the feeling that he has truly failed Konoha."

"I know." They stayed silent for a moment, the ANBU soldier sitting back on the arm couch. "You should have heard him on our way back," Kakashi explained in low voice, as if it was a dark secret he was remembering himself.

Iruka did hold him in some high esteem he had not let out through the years, for him having the Sharingan persona. Even if it did not affect the overall of their relationship, there had been something that seemed to have reached the chuunin on how he was supposed to perform.

Tenzou stood up, "I'm sorry, but I have to go. Kurenai and Genma will pass by later on the day."

"Thanks, Yamato."

The ANBU smiled as his hand said good bye, before he fled by the window with his mask in place.

Yamato had been right. Kakashi needed to be by Iruka's side, both for him and for his lover. Because he knew that even if the first times Iruka would lay his eyes on him, even if they were mostly unfocused and lost, he knew that the chuunin was trying to understand why Kakashi would be there, by his side. He needed for his man to understand and remember that what had happened, as much as he had done everything he could, there was nothing he had done to be held responsible.

They had not talked since Iruka had asked him to die. Mostly because he was not strong enough to barely pronounce a word yet, but also because the ponytail haired shinobi did not know what else to say. It was the only thing turning around and around in his head. It was the only thing that seemed plausible, even when all of his friends came to visit him, to tell him how happy they were for him to still be with them.

Naruto was one of the first to visit, beside Kotetsu and Kakashi, crying and apologizing for what Iruka had agreed to do. How weird, he thought, but never said a thing. Tsunade and Sakura did not say it, but their eyes shouted the same apologies each time they came to take care of him, checking his vitals and evaluating the progress he made. Kurenai and Genma were there from time to time, exchanging who would take care of the kids while taking time to visit him. Sometimes they were lucky enough to have Naruto babysit them so they both went.

Eventually, Iruka wrote down his report, once he was able to do so. He tried to ignore the fact that his handwriting would never be as neat as it used to be back then. Even if they had worked to alleviate the pain in his right hand, the broken fingers had badly healed. Just as his left leg. Instead, it was easier to just sleep the day long, after being so tired by staying the whole night up because of nightmares, anxiety, or a panic attack.

As much as his psychnin wanted him to work to get better, he could still not find it in him. Iruka shot a glance to Kakashi who had just entered his room, before simply going back to looking at the window, though he felt his lover strong hands take one of his. He did not mind.

In fact, it was one of the things he preferred at the moment, the only way he finally felt connected with someone around him. The only time where he felt that he was taken back into reality, his mind always harping him into a dark labyrinth.

It was so sunny outside. What time of the year was it?

"We're in the middle of the hot season."

Iruka frowned lightly. "What?"

A small smile formed on Kakashi's lips, even though he was always perturbed by Iruka's emotionless voice he had once he would finally talk. "Konoha's citizens are preparing for the festival."

Huh. He had not thought so much time had passed. He had to know. His head wouldn't let it go. He had to understand. "Why didn't you do what was best for me?"

The silver haired shinobi looked away, feeling his body heavy and tired. He scratched his cheek. "I know... that my responsibilities as a shinobi are clear. My mission was to take you home."

A shrug. "I know. Sharingan no Kakashi is all about missions. But what of you, 'Kashi? Why couldn't you just give me what I truly deserve? You should know better."

His gloved hands were trembling, his jaw clenched shut. Pictures of his father committing suicide, the blood on the floor, the body getting colder as its life was swept away. The silence that stood was just as if a wall of lead had been dressed in between.

He is ill, he needs time to heal, his mind kept telling him. He opened his mouth, closed it back. It was with a throaty voice that he could finally speak. "Do you trust me, Iruka? Do you trust me, if I tell you that it can go away... that feeling of dread that you feel?"

Brown, distressed puffy eyes were trying to find gray ones. "I... don't trust myself. I don't trust what I'm able to do..."

"You have failed this mission, yes." Kakashi pinched his lips, staring for a moment at hurt brown eyes. "But it was not because you wanted to, it's not because you decided to. You didn't make this choice, I know that of you. You would have died instead of doing so. But your body couldn't support it anymore, as much as your mind." His left hand letting go of Iruka's one, it swept the tears off his bearded lover's cheeks. "Even if you die, would it change the outcome? Would your death redeem the political wrongs actually happening?"

"I... don't know. My mind is screaming 'yes'. I feel as if... I could have done better. I could have been stronger. I could have- I don't know! Make it through! And the problem is, whatever you say won't make me change what I feel right now! And it's been such a long time like this! The meds don't help, my psych don't help! I feel as if there's nothing to do so I can just take a breath!" Iruka gritted his teeth, trying to control his anger, balling his fists. He had wanted to die back there. He had accepted his end.

A sigh and a face hiding behind gloved hands. What was it that should have been done? Yet, the jounin remained silent.

Iruka would have thought Kakashi to leave after his words, but his boyfriend stayed crisped on is chair, silent, unfocused. And he knew well that he could not be strong for him if he was not strong for himself. He wanted to, but he was so scared. It hurt everywhere, from deep inside to the shell that was his body.

A soft knock was heard, a nurse opening the door.

"I am sorry to interupt, Umino Iruka, but Hokage-sama wishes to speak with you," she eyed Kakashi, "privately."

The copynin glanced at his lover – who answered in a small nod, desperate to have no fight over him right now – before defiantly staring at the fierce black eyes as he left the room without a noise. Iruka tried to smile, hiding his pain as he tried to adjust himself, "Hokage-sama, I didn't thought you would be here today."

"There's no need," started Sasuke, trying to ignore the red rimmed eyes Iruka had. He took the medical chart hanged at the bed post, shifting through the form. "You are progressing well in your current condition, which are good news."

"How come do I owe you a visit?" The words felt aggressive, yet Iruka could not fathom a way how to put it. Since months now Sasuke had not even come to see him. He had given his report to Sakura, helped by the presence of Kakashi and Tsunade. He knew that both Sandaime and Godaime would have taken time to come and talk to him, to at least take the report directly from him.

The Uchiha said nothing. What should have he done? He knew. He had been told countless and countless time again. But he was busy. He had to take care of so many different political problems, some regarding the shinobis and others he felt completely irrelevant to the situation. Clenching his jaw, he carefully sat on the blue chair Kakashi occupied before.

But there he was. At the side of his former sensei, wondering what he was suppose to tell him. "I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei, for what happened to you." There, it was a start.

"No, you're not." Black eyes narrowed slightly as Iruka made a small, sad smile. "I knew the risks and I took them. You work the same way I do. There's no need to feel sorry, it's how things work in this job."

"Hn. Still, I should have come sooner. I _am_ sorry for not being able to do so. Well... to not have taken the time to do so. It was my duty."

The chuunin said nothing. There was nothing to be said. The young adult – because he had to face it, Sasuke was still so young to take this position as Hokage – had made a decision he felt was right, but was harder to be shouldered than he thought. Or at least, it was what Iruka had come to as a conclusion.

"Thank you, Sasuke." His lips could not form the wide smile that he would normally bore as he saw Rokudaime surprised face. He looked at his hands resting on his belly. For the boy to come and say such words showed how far he had come by. It eased the restless resentment he felt of his own failure somehow.

"I know you are tired, but I also came to talk to you because the situation in the Land of Iron is stabilizing." Iruka stiffened, his hands being suddenly interesting in the way they twisted awkwardly. "We learned there had been different stations like the one you were hold in. They are calling in testimonies."

Surprised brown eyes shot up. "What?"

"And since you are one of the few survivors, they could need it. Would you be able to do so?"

"I- I don't know." Iruka bit his lips, twisting his hands. However he breathed in, air wouldn't stay in his lungs to oxygenate his body, his heart beating too fast, hurting in his chest, arms and legs.

Stay calm. Stay. Calm. He had over-thought this. He knew. He had just long forgotten it would finally happen. He was anxious, at a scale of zero to ten: eight. Taking a long, calming breath, he memorized different objects in his room. Blue bedsheets, black hair, white walls, gray door. Blue, black, white, gray.

Sasuke didn't move nor said a thing. Sakura had told him how sometimes Iruka would get anxious, and how it could get worse.

It took some time, but Iruka finally opened his mouth, hesitating. "I... can't. As much as I wanted, I can't. I'm sorry. It's not something I can do. But... Tsunade-sama told me my report would be fine."

The black haired man nodded. "I understand. I will let you rest, now."

Iruka nodded, looking at his bedsheets, trying to control the still jumbled emotions he felt. "Just... let Kakashi in," he mumbled, trying to contain his tears.

"I am sorry, Iruka-sensei."

The door closed, leaving him alone with Izumo always standing by it, staring at him without ever blinking, without ever moving.

* * *

><p>Waiting by the door felt inconvenient. Sighing, one last look at it, he made his way toward the only coffee machine he had found out on this floor, which was a few hallways away from Iruka's room. Better make his time worth it, instead of waiting there.<p>

A good, strong, black coffee would do him great, he thought as he pushed the buttons, the humming of the machine disturbing the relative silence. The only sounds heard were some constant beeping medical machine, some muffled voice, and someone coming toward him. Oh well. So much for being alone.

"Hatake."

"Hagane." Focusing on his coffee, he barely acknowledged the newcomer, letting him walk passed him. "Iruka is presently having a meeting with Rokudaime."

Kotetsu looked at him briefly, pondering his choices. "Oh. Well, I suppose I'll be waiting then." Watching the scenery of the hospital courtyard thorugh the window made the situation almost comfortable. How come were they such stubborn men, he wondered. "So. How are you doing?"

"Hm, good." Minutes flew by as Kakashi simply took small sips of his beverage, his mask bothering him. He had gotten used to have it off of his face most of the time.

The chuunin sighed, turning to the coffee machine. "Still mad at me?"

"And you?" Still so childish of him. Taking in the fact that Iruka's friend was gritting his teeth, trying to be polite and civil. Yeah, maybe he should know better. Kakashi studied the wiring machine, making a moka coffee. Interesting. He cleared his throat. "Maa, sorry, Hagane. You clearly have the right to be mad at me, I recognize it. It was uncalled for."

Dark brown eyes studied tired gray ones. A small scoff could not be contained. "Sure." Leaning against the wall, he took a taste of his sweet hot beverage, trying to ignore the texture of chocolate powder on his tongue and the fact that Sharingan no Kakashi was, in the end, not such an idiot for social civilities. "How long is the meeting anyway?"

"I can't tell." Kakashi knew what they would be talking about, and he could do nothing about it. By the way Kotetsu was fretting, fingers tapping the cardboard mug relentlessly, they both knew about it. There were many things you could learn in such a village if you wanted, pulling the right strings. "He's doing a lot of progress lately, you know?"

"Yeah, it's a good thing. There's a lot to do, however. 'Zumo would have been great at helping 'Ruka getting back on his feet." Kotetsu bit his lips, concentrating on his breathing. "I'm trying, but I'm not him."

As much as they stood away from each other, the coffee machine separating them, Hatake tried to leave him as much space as he needed to, to mourn his lover. "I am sorry for your loss. He was a great shinobi."

"I know, you already told me. Thank you for bringing him back, though."

Kakashi scratched his cheeks. "I wish I could have done better."

"Everyone wishes for missions to be successful. We should be glad that, at least, we have two of them home."

He said nothing back. Much more like one shinobi out of three. One certified dead, one barely living, trapped in a comatose state, and one fighting to stay afloat.

"Where did you find him?"

He frowned. "What?"

"You heard me well."

"It's classified information."

"Bullshit."

"It's not a good idea." He fought the stare back, before grunting. "His body... had been tossed in a single pit," he whispered, clenching shut his free hand. "Naruto and Gai found him among the others. They were going to... bury them soon enough."

Kotetsu could not talk, could not muster a thought. "I see," was the only thing that crossed his lips. He should not have been so surprised, his mind started. They were simply lab rats, after all.

"Look, I shouldn't have told you this-"

"No," the chuunin cut the jounin short. "It's... alright. I- I have to go."

"Wait!" Kakashi grasped his arm, "Take time to go see Iruka. He'll need it."

He did not dare to turn back. "I can't. And I don't think it'll be right. Not after what the Uchiha will have told him. He doesn't need me today. It will only make things worse."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll... just come back later. I need time to think this through."

"Right," Kakashi said to himself, watching the lower ranked shinobi leaving hastily. Everything was such a mess. Walking back to Iruka's room, he found out that Sasuke had left. He controlled himself to not let his anger take place as he saw his lover bundled form, shaking and trying to calm down.

"Hey,"he whispered.

Brown eyes shot up, haggard. "Kakashi, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. I should have known better. I should have understand that I was not strong enough for this. You should not be trusting me. I sold you out. I- I sold you out!" The chuunin had a hard time breathing, holding his head in his hands, he was not able to stop everything he felt.

"Iruka. I'm here." He approach him with small steps, showing his hands in front of him.

"Why are you here?"

"Because I love you, no matter what."

"Why? Why! I failed you." He shut his eyes, clenching his jaw. He swallowed. "You shouldn't be trusting me."

Kneeling at the side of the bed, the silver haired man dared touch gently one bony hand. "Hey, hey," he said with a soft voice, taking his mask down with his other hand. "Whatever you told them, I think Konoha is highly able to take care of herself. Even if they know some part of my life, there are still things that are hidden by our work."

It took time, but seeing Kakashi's full lips move, the small scar on his inferior lips smile confidently at him helped Iruka to take a deep breath. "I've talked... " He chuckled – which sounded more as if he was choking on his breath than a chuckle. "You are going back there. I know that. Don't make that face. I can't go, but you'll have to. Just... I'm scared of what will be said. I'm scared for you."

"Hm. I'm a grown man, Sensei. No worry, I'll be able to defend myself."

Iruka smiled, a small, tiny smile that was years behind the brightest ones Kakashi preferred. "I know. But they have leverage. Leverage that I am responsible for. They... played with me on this." His eyes were searching for memories. "They said things, did things..."

"Don't. Don't talk if you don't want to. What happened was out of your control. You could only survive."

Iruka stared in those pained but hopeful gray eyes. Kakashi might not have his Sharingan anymore, he was still as impressive as he ever was. This ability of him to put the job aside so easily, and then to take it back, wearing it like a jacket, Iruka wondered if the way he had construct Sharingan no Kakashi was a part of this.

"Give yourself time, even if you don't feel like it. Trust me as I trust you."

Iruka scoffed and shook his head. Rubbing his eyes, he finally let out a small breath. "I'll try."

Kakashi smiled. "Thank you." He kissed his forehead lightly. "You are not alone, be sure of that," he whispered, even if he knew the words did not reach their intent.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: **I'm very sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Sadly, I haven't been able to write it as fast as I thought I would before we reached it. Therefore, I can't say that I'll be able to keep posting a chapter a week. Work keeps me busy, and lately it's been hard on me.

Still, here you go. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

Iruka replaced the cards in his hand, clicking his tongue and smiling. "Seriously, you call that a good shuffle? I mean, how do you expect me to ever win against you if you give me these... And you don't even have your Sharingan anymore!" Kakashi barely smiled, scratching his cheeks. "How are you feeling, 'Kashi? You're all gloomy and spacing out lately." He draw a card on the table, glancing at his lover.

A dark chuckle. "I know. Sorry." He ruffled his hair. "I'm leaving in a few days, and I think it's bothering me more than I would have thought."

Was it because of him? "Don't worry, I'll be alright."

Hatake tried to smile. If only he could simply worry for Iruka. "I know. You seem to be in a good mood lately. I'm not worried for you, Sensei."

He scoffed. "Said like that, it's almost encouraging! Hey, it's okay, I understand. I just take it day to day. And today, I feel good."

"And that's what's important." The silver haired man drew a series of card. "Let's focus on that."

His eyes widened, "No way! How come you get such cards, and I get those one. You're cheating!"

Kakashi laughed. "Nice try, but find an other excuse now. You're just bad at this game, admit it."

A grin. "Yeah, maybe I am." He bit his lips, holding his head on his fist, taking note of this tired but defined face his man had. "Still, you wanna talk about it? Maybe I could help somehow."

"I... wish I could. Classified information."

"Oh. That bad."

"When I'll come back, maybe I can tell. It shouldn't be too long."

"Sure. I'll be out of here by the time you'll be back, I'm dead certain."

Kakashi felt happy to see this proud smile. He adjusted himself on the blue chair. He could always try. "You know, I was wondering if you would like to move in with me."

"What?"

"I- I know you don't like it, you made it clear by keeping your apartment through the years, but I thought that after all of this, maybe it could be a good thing."

"I- I don't know. You're still on duty. I'm not ready- I don't want to have to face this again. Not after Hikaru."

Kakshi kept himself from sighing. "What if I go back on my retirement?"

"And what if I go back on duty? You agreed with me that until we both weren't risking our lives again out there, it was better to not tangle things."

"I know. But things change! We can't base our lives on 'What if?'"

Iruka hold up his hands, "Alright, alright. I'll think about it. Happy?"

Kakashi sighed. "Iruka don't-"

"I'm tired. I'd like to be left alone, please."

Kakashi said nothing, trying to get those beautiful eyes to finally look at him, but to no chance. Tired, he stood up, putting his mask back on. "Alright." Reaching the door, he turned to Iruka already hidden under thin blankets. "You still want to eat with me tonight?" He waited, but no answer came up. Well, then.

"Wait!" shouted Iruka, rising from his spot. "Yes, I still want you to come."

"Okay," whispered Kakashi, hurt by the sadness and bare smile his lover had.

They needed time, his mind kept telling him.

* * *

><p>"So, can I have the pudding now?"<p>

Iruka sighed and rolled his eyes at his friend, pushing his plates toward him. "Sure, it's not as if it was any good."

Kotetsu grinned as he saw Iruka's small smile formed as he took the dessert with haste. "Come on! They aren't that bad, 'Ruka," he said, mouth full of pudding. "See? Chocolate! Better than the butterscotch one."

Seriously, his friend would be choking to death if he kept eating this fast. He chuckled. "I never believed 'Zumo saying that you were an empty stomach on two legs."

"Ha! Yeah... He used to be mad at me about that." Silence took place, bringing memories back. "You know, it's been a while, but I hope you don't hold yourself responsible for him." A small sigh was barely heard, but no words were said. "It's just... Sorry. I have no right to say that."

"No, no. It's alright, I suppose." It took some time, but brown eyes finally looked back at dark eyes. "You also have a lot to deal with. It'd been a while that you were together."

Kotetsu left the empty pudding package on the side, taking the plates toward the garbage. "Quite some years... yeah. Anyway. What were your plans for today?" he asked as he started pushing Iruka's wheelchair toward the cafeteria exit.

"I have some time before rehab. I thought about giving a visit to Raidou."

"Sure. I'll bring you there." They turned a hallway, Iruka nodding to a nurse walking by. "You've become friend with everyone here, now!"

"Yeah, that's what happens when you stay so long here. And it's not as if having Sakura and Tsunade-sama as my doctors doesn't help." Iruka pressed the fourth floor button once they got inside the elevator.

"Did they gave you any news regarding your situation?"

Iruka moved his wheelchair, now facing his friend leaning lazily in a corner. "There isn't going to be anything new regarding my situation, Ko'."

"But, maybe... somehow?" Iruka grunted, spinning around, moving himself out with renewed vigor. What had he said? "'Ru, wait! I didn't mean it to upset you!"

"Look, I don't need this... hope. There's nothing that will change the facts."

"Alright, alright. If you say so." Kotetsu took control of the wheelchair again. "But let us at least have hope in your place then. Let us help you the way we may only know how."

Iruka said nothing, kept staring straight in front of him and simply took his hands to himself, letting his chuunin friend taking him at the end of the hallway. He was angry. He was angry that people wouldn't let him alone, would always be there trying to support him. They where doing so much for him, as much as they could. It was suppose to make things easier. How come did he felt even more bothering and useless?

Kotetsu bit his bottom lips nervously, slowing down as he reached Namiashi's room. An angry Iruka was always so hard to reach and talk to. "There. I'll leave you here. I'll be back in some days, I have some extra shifts to do at the mission desk. The new one taking your place wasn't able to do the job. Again."

Scratching his head, the ponytail haired man shook his head, sighing, hearing footsteps getting away. Looking back at an already leaving Kotetsu, he would have to improve this anger tendency he noted to himself. Yet, it was so hard to accept all of this, to get through what was now his life. "I'll be back soon! Only a few weeks more, and I'll be there to do my job."

"Right, and we'll finally be able to get through the paperwork! Ah! That will be my dream come true!" was shouted back, one hand waving good bye.

Chuckling, he gave one last look to his friend disappearing in the elevator before peeking into the room. "Oh, Genma! Sorry, I hadn't seen you there. I'll- I'll come back later."

"No, no. Stay." Shiranui smiled, but his puffy eyes did not light up. "If I had wanted to be left alone, I would have closed the door."

"Huh... okay. You sure?"

"No, but it will only upset Raidou if we leave because of him. He already knows too many things. About this village, about me... It doesn't change anything much, anyway." Genma sniffed, ruffling his hair. He chuckled nervously, eying the jounin seemingly sleeping, "So, what are you going to do, now?"

Iruka looked away, holding his sigh, clutching his wheelchair arms. How could he have expected more secrecy? He was in a shinobi village after all. "I'll keep being a shinobi. What else?" He had not meant to be curt, but Genma hold nothing of it, staying silent and listening. "What do you want to hear? That Hokage-sama, Haruno-sama and Tsunade-sama are opposed to it?"

Simply a small smile graced his lips. Always so fiery, this Iruka. "Hey, don't worry. I know you'll prove them wrong. What did they told you on your situation, exactly?"

A small scoff. "I'm surprised you haven't heard on that one! Anyway. It's about chakra pathways. Complicated. I don't really want to talk about it."

"I understand."

A comfortable silence installed itself between them. Surprise had replace the anger inside Iruka's, principally because he had not thought that Genma would have understood so much. His way of simply accepting that he did not want to talk, to express what he felt to anyone. Instead, the tokubetsu slouched in the blue chair, focused on Raidou, fingers playing absentmindedly with his senbon.

"How was it, working with Raidou?"

He tried to keep his face blank, controlling his emotion. "Hum, different. He was very focused, and knew what he was doing and what he wanted."

A chuckle. "Yeah, going all work and captain. I liked that about him. His way of taking control and..." Genma stopped talking for a moment, lost in some memories Iruka had now a glimpse of.

"I- I didn't know..." he started, but was cut short.

"Don't worry. It's been such a long time, and it's not something anyone ever talk about anymore. But understand. You're there, thinking that you have your whole life to patch things up and experience life differently, with the people you care about, and it just... ends up abruptly.

"And now, I'm there, moping around, wondering if things could have gone a different way, if maybe I had not been who I am, having no interest in sex or, I don't know, if I had forced myself a little more to be there for what he wanted!" Seeing Iruka bit his lips, he remembered who he was talking to. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be saying those things-"

"No, no! Don't need to be sorry. I understand." They eyed each other, the bandana headed shinobi looking for some truth behind the words. "I do. But... You know, we are who are. Sometimes, giving so much to someone to make sure he loves us is not a good sign, you know?"

He was not talking about Kakashi, that Genma was sure of. Was it what Kurenai had implied the other night? "Yeah... I suppose so. Anyway, I am happy for him to have find Maiko. If she could give him what he needed, that's good."

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'll get through it. We need to support each other as shinobi, don't we?"

"Hm. We have."

Through a renewed silence, they both took for themselves. It had not been easy in the last months for everyone, as war loomed over them once again, as they all struggled to finally get a grasp of what was now possible for them.

Getting through different surgeries, some for his back, some for his hands, others for his leg, mixed with the rehabilitation he was going through to walk mostly normally now and gaining back his muscles, it had taken its toll on Iruka. Genma and Kotetsu came as much as they could, but he new they were busy. Many of the veterans had been put on diplomatic missions with the Hokage and Naruto, Sakura staying behind to keep her duties with Konoha and the council, running the hospital as much as she could, Tsunade helping.

"I need to go to rehab. Well, thanks for the talk, Genma. I... I needed it."

His friend smiled back at him. "I needed it too. Close the door on your exit, please. I've got some things to talk with Raidou here."

"Sure."

* * *

><p>Kakashi stood by the window of his small bedroom, looking at the snow covered streets and the people fighting the cold to get their day done. These ravaged, cold and deserted lands left him with a dry feeling in his mouth. They had been lucky, back then with the third war.<p>

Yes, every shinobi country had tried to bring down each other, each suffering losses and everyone living in an unstable political climate, but at least they had not gotten into a civil war. Villagers and citizens had not lived in fear, never knowing who they could trust, if your neighbor would sell you to the government or bringing your death for a difference of opinions.

Yet, at the same time, they knew how information were withheld, never really displayed, tweaked to gain advantage of every situation. Soldiers were sent on missions as pieces of a chess game, pawns to move the strategy further. Some would come back alive, others were to die. It was not necessarily better, now that he thought about it.

Sure, he was maybe seeing it for the worse, but it was better to assume the worse than to be deceived in the end. What was not what his dad had faced? Move against the will instilled in a shinobi village, and you end up at the end of the rope. What Konoha knew was that he had failed, and instead of focusing on the fact that he had saved his teammates, the majority had focused on the now weakened state they now were. Kill or be killed, it seemed.

And now, why was he here, again? To be a sheep in front of wolves? To show that even if his lover had revealed sensible intel about him and his hometown, they were not afraid? He grunted, closing his eyes mere second, hoping that this mess in which they were floating could only be a dream. Active duty did not seem a good idea anymore.

Oh, it was not as if he could have had a choice. It seemed much more to be a necessity than a possibility. How had Sasuke said it? "Since you won't be as unknown as before, some will be interested to talk."

He had stared at him with bored eyes. Really? "What play do I have in that? Wouldn't it be better to send in someone with more valuable skills in that regard?"

"The council think that you showing up over there will strengthen up our position, and at the same time, you will have a good opportunity to get approached by-"

"I will get my throat slit."

Dark eyes rolled. "Sure. And all of your past exploits certainly don't exist anymore." Kakashi crossed his arms on his chest, his head tilting slightly on the side. "Bear with me, Hatake, the fact that it's not my choice. After the act we pulled out there, I have to comply with them."

"Samurais are not stupid. They'll see the idea."

"I know. But we were able to get someone who wanted to sell info. He's named Atsushi Hideki and-"

"What do you mean by selling?"

Sasuke clenched his jaw, before sliding on the desk a thin file toward him.

Partly reading the pages, his eyes narrowed. "I see. I am now put onto those kind of missions..." He looked up on a so very stoic expression. "How does it feel knowing that you now have a play in this weird part of the shinobi work? Didn't you want to change things?"

Brows furrowed, and from the sudden swift in chakra release, Kakashi knew he was tenting his luck. "You should watch your tongue, Hatake. We might hate each other, but I am still your superior."

"I won't give you that respect," he whispered back. They judged each other a moment. "Nothing else? Then I should go." Oh, it was still not going well between them. He was not helping. He had slammed the door on his exit, ignoring the glances from two ANBU who were not sure what it was they were suppose to do.

"What are you looking at?"

He did not turn to Kurenai as she entered his room, bringing him back to reality. "Simply wondering about the road of life."

Leaning onto the wall to face Kakashi, having a sight of the street below, she kept her ruby eyes on her friend. "And? What's the prognostic? The road is practicable?"

"Hm. Barely. But we're making a breach, which is good."

She smiled, looking at her feet, before looking back at him. There was something off about her friend, but she could not pinpoint what it was. "The meeting is taking place in an hour. You should come and eat something. It won't do you any good to ignore your hunger."

He let himself smile. "Maa, you're such a good mother!" He chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "Sure. Let's go grab something."

Following her through the dormitory hallways, there were a lot of soldiers – samurais and shinobis alike – that stayed there for this diplomatic mission. Located in a building that had been salvaged from ruins, yet still in a despicable state, it was where everyone stayed until a consensus was reached for each parties.

As they turned a corner, he glanced at a black haired samurai, blue eyes smiling to gray ones. Kakashi wondered if the man was following him lately, seeing each other too many times for it to be a coincidence. It was his target. He would just have to find out how to approach him. Sasuke's file had not been very informative.

"What was that?"

Kakashi kept his aloof stance, hands in his pockets. "What?"

"Don't play that game with me, Kakashi. You might think you are unreadable, but I've acquired some great capacities as a mother now."

"Nothing of your concern, Kurenai," he whispered. "I have my own things to do." She frowned, pinching her lips. "You know how it is."

"Fine. Do what you have to do, but I'm against it. They should have let you home."

They said nothing as they passed the door to the cafeteria, taking trays and choosing food. Since when Kurenai was so protective? Asuma's death had played a big part, that he knew. He supposed that maybe having children played too. "What's the matter?"

She glanced at him, clicking her tongue, before grumbling, "Nothing." Sitting at a table, she stared at her food. "We lost a lot of people, Kakashi. We lived two wars, and we are still losing soldiers each day. I lost Asuma..." Her voice shook, holding her breath, trying to swallow the small lump she felt in her throat as she bit in her sandwich. She looked around her. "Do you remember," she started, her eyes fierce with fire as she whispered, feeling as if people were listening to their conversation, "why you decided to do this? To be a shinobi?"

Truth be told, Kakashi was not sure why he had decided to enroll. He had been so young, a gifted child, son of Konoha's White Fang. It was simply what he had to do. He was to serve Konoha. Yet, after Obito and Rin, what was left of his younger self? "What truly matter is why we are doing it now. Why we started this job have changed since then."

"You're right. But after what we all got through, things should be different. What Sandaime wanted to construct is still so far from us. The stunt we pulled to get the Land of Iron back on its feet has put us again in a dire place! Look where you are now."

"The younger generation should be more open than their predecessors, though. It's something we should take into account. They will change things."

She huffed. "And yet, they are still coined by them! Look at the council back home, with the Uchiha." Kakashi simply nod. "I know you dislike him, and you have your rights, but how he is treated is still pretty harsh."

"Harsh?" She was surprised by the aggressive tone Kakashi used, his brows furrowed. "Really? He tried to kill one of his teammate. He wanted a revolution, to erase the past. He was part of the reason we got into a war! He wanted to destroy our home for what he valued was right, without concern for innocent lives. And you defend him?"

She fell silent, looking at her plate. "We already talked about this. And, again, you should be looking back at your own decision. I heard for Obito. What is different from his mistakes than Sasuke's?"

He breathed heavily, counting to ten. "Sakura. Sakura is the difference. Obito never would have decided to kill Rin."

"What makes you think so? How can you tell?"

He shook his head, frowning even more. "This conversation is over." He stood up, not having bothered to eat something, leaving his untouched food on the table. "We need to go to the meeting anyway."

He heard her sigh, but kept walking, passing soldiers and shinobis who dared not talk to him, yet knew who he was as he hid behind his mask, nonchalant slouch and walk. He knew that many of them whispered and talked. Who would have ever thought to know more about White Fang's son other than what was written in the bingo book? He missed being only known as Sharingan no Kakashi, copycat ninja, leader of team seven, and so many other titles.

He waved lazily to Naruto as he entered the meeting room , who nodded confidently at him, sitting by Sasuke's side, followed closely by Shikamaru. Standing by the wall, he took note of everyone attending the first installment of what would be a long series of discussion and agreements on what could be considered a fault from each parties. It was not to mention that once this one would be done, they would have to come back for the trials. He could only hope that things would go better with this generation of Hokage, mixing both young and experienced ones.

He saw Kurenai taking her place not too far from him.

"Your colleague seems upset," said a soft, quiet voice. From the discussion going on already between former leaders, the voice did not carried on in the large, full room.

He did not turn to acknowledge the black haired samurai who now stood by his side. "She is. What happened to many soldiers in your lands is quite a good incentive."

"Despicable what some men are ready to do to achieve their idea of peace, isn't it? I am truly sorry for your comrades and your... companion."

He glanced slightly at – he was surprised, now that they stood by each other – the much smaller man, one eyebrow rose. He was not used of people knowing some part of his life like this, strangers, foreigners talking as if they knew who he was, who they were. "Thanks." The answer had been curt, but it did not deterred the man. The way he smiled, his eyes curved so slightly as he exposed his white teeth. This man was certainly not affected by all of this.

"Why are you here, Sharingan no Kakashi? Those young ones here certainly do not need you as their dog. They are strong shinobis, stronger than the sannins themselves."

"And what is your job? There's certainly enough samurai in here to protect Mifune's son." He wanted to play that game, so they would.

He barely heard him chuckle. "I like you."

He felt he should not be asking, but he had to know. "Why me?"

"I've heard some pretty interesting things about you. Just wondered where was drawn the line between Sharingan no Kakashi and Hatake."

He rolled his eyes, yet his hands clenched. "I suggest that you go and seek someone else. I am pretty deceiving actually." His mind reeled.

"Which was not what the record of your companion said."

"He talked under torture, torture that your colleagues inflicted upon him," he replied through clenched teeth, keeping a clam demeanor. This guy was a psycho, he could tell. "Talking under torture is not an indicative of truth."

"I want him executed! He should have been killed years ago!" They both turned to the Raikage shouting.

"Meet me later," he whispered, hand signing in the ANBU code some numbers. Four, two and zero.

Kakashi had no time to comprehend how he knew this, that he had now to focus on the Raikage threatening to get reparation himself by having the Uchiha executed. And here they were again, Naruto defending his best friend while Kakashi was there supporting him. Oh well, it was going to be a long series of meeting, he suspected.

If he could at least get back home without anyone dying, he would be glad.

* * *

><p>She smiled as she saw Iruka let himself slouch in his wheelchair. "You've worked hard today, Umino."<p>

"Yeah... I can't wait to get out of here and get back to work, Tsunade-sama. Thank you so much for your help." He smiled, adjusting his position on his chair.

"I understand," she started, forcing her lips to keep smiling. "Are you sure you want to go back?"

He pinched his lips, studying the floor. Why would they all stand up against him? "It's not because I can't be on the field anymore that I should sit back from my duty, Tsunade-sama."

"Hmm. You'll have to wait. I can fill a form to leave you under proper care outside of here. You still have to work on your balance. From now on, you'll walk with this," she explained, giving a crutch, getting his attention once again. "The wheelchair will be there when you become too tired." She felt pain in her heart as she saw him grinned. It had been so long since that last true smile. What would happen once he stepped outside those closed doors?

"Ha! Perfect."

"I see that Kotetsu has accepted to keep an eye on you until the brat comes back. Good. Keep me informed once Kakashi's finally here."

"Sure will, Tsunade-sama. Do you know when he'll be back from his mission?"

"Can't say. I'm not working on those papers anymore, brat. Good try." He chuckled. She took the pad on her desk, writing it off, before checking his file once again. "How have you been doing? Sakura's reports say you are doing well, yet your psycheval keeps saying how you still have so much to get through. I need to know. To make my final decision on your state of mind."

She could not stop herself from noting the light leaving his eyes once again. "I'm... good. I suppose it'll take time, but I really need to get out of here. I really need to get back to my roots. I need it."

Adjusting her glasses on her nose, she sighed. "I'm partly responsible for what happened back there, Iruka." He swallowed as he heard his name, clenching his fists unconsciously. He never heard his name on her lips. "The only reason you are still alive is because you had a malformation in your chakra pathways since your birth – explaining your difficulty in storing and using jutsus, yet enhancing your chakra control in those circumstances."

"I know."

"If..." She studied him for a moment, hesitating. "If you have a change of heart, let me know."

He frowned, "Sure."

"Don't forget that sometimes, people can be unfair, and there's nothing we an do. What they heard and saw of your mission, mixed with what they know of what's happening in the Lands of Iron is making some of them angry."

"Why re you telling me this?"

"You live in a shinobi world, Iruka, And when you are a shinobi that fails to meet social expectations, there might be judgment and critics. Don't make this face, brat! I understand that you are aware of this. Just remember that there are always other options."

Again, this constant fear that they all had toward his mental state. He knew what the truth was. He knew what they were saying behind his back. He would prove them wrong. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama, but I'm alright. You can write that I am fully able to comprehend where I stand from now on. So now, please, if you'll excuse me, my friend is waiting for me to take me out of this hospital."

She watched him leave. It was in those time that she found it hard to not be Hokage anymore. She could always use her authoritative voice and assessments to keep him from leaving, but as her doctor, she wanted him to open to her, not to close off. But he was already deaf to their advice. And as much as she wanted him to hear them, she could only let him experiment.

She shook her head. This man was strong and intelligent. He had gotten through many things, he would be able to get through that one.

* * *

><p>"I didn't thought you would come, Hatake." The samurai stood up, smiling. Kakashi had understood for his number bedroom. "It has been a week. Still, I'm glad you show up. Otherwise, I would have sadly attended your funeral."<p>

Kakashi crossed his arms, keeping his eyes from studying the naked man, not wanting to play this game. It had taken him a few days to finally accept that he had to do this. Several discussions with Sasuke, the pressure they had to know what was withheld against them was too much to let this pass. Especially since Atsushi Hideki knew ANBU hand signs. "Where did you learn that?"

A laugh. He took his cup of wine from the small table, taking a sip. "So forefront." Kakashi was not able to ignore the way Hideki bit his lower lip and studied him. "Actually, that's why you're here. We don't want a blood shed, don't we? Take this hand away from your kunais."

Gray eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"You. That's all. I want to see Hatake Kakashi in all his glory, just like it's been said."

He hated this seductive voice, this disgusting voice. He scoffed. "This doesn't give you much compared from what you seem to know."

A small, childish pout. "Stop depreciating yourself, 'Kashi. Oh, do you mind if I call you that? 'Kashi... it does sound well." Kakashi growled, while Hideki grinned. "You see? Such little things make me enjoy myself."

"You are playing it dangerously low. Be careful."

"Maybe hanging on such a perilous cliff is what I'm seeking. Will you kill me after we're done?You don't even know me. I could be a hooker disguised as a samurai, threatened to work this way. What is true, huh? Such a perilous line of work!" He gulped down his wine.

Kakashi grunted. He had done a few missions like this when he had been a teenager. He had not enjoyed it, but he had done it, for the greater good of Konoha. Yet, this was simply disturbing. Was it something Iruka had done in the past? This person was used to this masquerade, holding disguise and personalities. They had chosen someone good.

Hideki poured himself another glass of wine, before taking out a second cup. "Wine? No? As you wish. Now, let's start."

His nose scrunched up, his face unable to hide the sick feeling he felt of all of this. "What will you gain from this? You seem to already have everything you wish to know from me, while I have much more to get from you."

"Oh, first question. In exchange, give me your face."

Oh well. That was it. He would have to see if killing this poor soul was a possibility in the end. The satisfied smile that hooked itself in his enemy's face as he slid his mask off made him clench his jaw.

"Hmm." Another sip of wine. "Why don't you just take the fun? I am ready to sell a lot, in exchange of some bit of Hatake's life. That's what Mifune-sama's son wishes. Konoha is a strong ally, after all."

This is what it was about. "You could have taken someone else."

"I like to enjoy myself from time to time; I don't always have to be the one on my knees... So, let's get to it. Strip."

This place was as worse as he thought it could be. Who truly controlled information out here? "Talk," he said in a low voice, one eyebrow rising. Yet, his hands started to unzip his jacket, taking gloves off. A hungry smile rewarded him.

"I'm the top informer of my troops. Unlike Kyoshi, who's only a rat among mice, I truly blend in. I get what I want, when I want, and I give when I feel generous... Like today. Come here." He ran his hands on Kakashi's hips before unbuttoning the pants, getting the boxers down. "Been a while, isn't it?" he whispered as he saw goosebumps on the pale scarred skin. An iron grip stopped him from going further in his exploration.

"You should start saying what's so important before I decide that you've got no worth."

A chuckle. Such fierce eyes. "You're so impatient, 'Kashi. Iruka had no knowledge of your ANBU division, nor the most crucial part of Konoha administration. But he did knew some important things about your T&I division – lay on the bed, now – and he was of great value."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, watching his abuser's every move, calculating how he would be able to defend himself if he was to get assailed. He knew very well what he was doing, gaining time to only reveal so little as was possible. "Condom and lube."

"No wonder you used to be such a leader with such a tone. Hmm, anyway," he explained as he opened the bottle, "I was able to learn that there is a gathering."

Kakashi grunted as he felt fingers inside him, his muscles tensing from anticipation, his body reacting more than he had expected, his hands griping the bedsheets. He closed his eyes some seconds, his mind trying to rationalize how he felt. "How... do you know all of this?"

"Shh. Now is not the time. I will tell you when you'll come back, it can wait." He adjusted himself, griping Kakashi's leg before his hips pushed gently. "Ah. You're... good. They... will try to kill you and other testimonies. Splitting your team on your way back. Hm."

Kakashi clenched his jaw, trying to stiffened the sounds that wanted to leave his throat. He could have killed him now if he had wanted. He just had to twist his legs around his neck, his muscles would snap the bones. He had done it before, the only mission he had ever done like this as Hound. But he wanted answers.

He needed answers. For someone knowing he was ANBU, there was something more he had to learn. This man was confident. "Tell me... everything!"

Hideki bit his lips, reeling in bliss seeing such a great warrior trying to contain himself, his eyes rolling, exposed to him. He was not there to torture him, but to simply share something different, his hips moving harder each time he could get a moan from Sharingan no Kakashi.

Oh, he knew very well he could get killed in all of this. The repercussion would be bad, but there was always a possibility, even if he knew he dealt with someone having such control over his actions. He had felt the legs' muscles tighten for a split second. What would happen next was simply a decision on Hatake's side.

Until then, he would make him feel good, a hand griping his partner, moving according to his pace. "As you wish, 'Kashi."

* * *

><p>"So, as I said, I'm sorry for the dust and the dishes. I mean- I was so used to-" Kotetsu fumbled with his keys, trying to unlock the door to his apartment. Damn trembling hands. How come he could kill someone with such little regards to the life taken, and now he was unable to open a stupid door? He grunted, swearing under his breath. "Ha! There!"<p>

Iruka chuckled to the proud grin of his friend, following him inside. The foul smell of unclean dishes hit his nose, and when he saw the actual dust covering some parts of the floor, he worked hard to keep his composure. Had his friend been living here? Memories swam in front of his eyes of a lively place, where he had spent many nights in his teenage years.

"Well, 'Zumo did most of the chores. I did some, but, well, he was more responsible than I'll ever be." Turning to his friend, he felt his face drained of colors. Iruka standing in the middle of his living room, wide eyed, unsettled him. "I'm very sorry. It's not- I shouldn't have-"

"No... Hum, no. It's okay. Just... It's a lot to take on, you know, last time I was there..."

Kotetsu scratched his throat, looking at the floor. "Yeah... Huh-" he swallowed. "So, I've picked up some of your stuff that we stored, and put it in the small bedroom. I know it's not really manly in there, but I couldn't find myself to change it."

The scarred chunnin smiled sadly as he entered said bedroom after his friend. White and pink walls, small drawn blue elephants surrounded him. Letting his backpack on the ill-fitting bed, he turned to Kotetsu who dared not breath. "Are you sure it's alright for me to be here? Where we'll you put her when she'll be there?"

Dark eyes looked everywhere other than at the questioning brown ones. "There won't be any baby girl living here..."

"What? I thought everything was -"

"Well, they were, until Izumo went MIA. I don't understand, but they said that it wasn't working anymore."

"Damn! I'm so sorry, Ko'. I should have known! It was everything you both wanted."

"Yeah, but it's over now. Don't worry. I didn't tell you because you had so many things to adjust yourself to. Don't feel bad. It's been a while."

"Still..."

A grim chuckle. "You're here, that's what's important now. I'll get the place cleaner, it'll feel a little more like home. Do as you want! I'll have to go buy some groceries, so, until then, don't eat anything in the fridge."

"Ko'-"

"Unpack your things. You can stay as long as you want. Kakashi's coming back in two weeks. Got to go back to the mission desk, I'll be back by the end of the day."

Kotetsu left as fast as he had rambled everything, leaving Iruka speechless and uneasy. How did everything happened? He had been so self centered since he had been back, what did he miss? Staring at the walls, staring a the little mobile still in the corner, he did not know where to start. Things had changed. He had a hard time grasping everything. His time at the hospital had made him unaware of his surrounding. Or was it more because he had not wanted to face reality for a while? Was it not what his psych eval had said once? When was it again?

It was just now that he was realizing how everything was unfolding. Learning that they had taken back his apartment was one thing - he was aware of this, that's what he had signed in his insurance in case of death on a mission - but facing it had been harder than he thought. Could he find someplace else to live, now that he would not be able to teach back at the Academy and simply rely on the mission desk pay?

Taking some of his clothes to fold them in the drawer, he sighed. He had done it before. He could do it again. One thing at a time, he told himself again. For now, he would learn to adjust to this, living with Kotetsu, who clearly had his life in order as much as him. Oh well, they surely would make it if they helped each other.


End file.
